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Showing posts from July 12, 2020

Lockdown, Day 119

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I have really not felt like writing anything over the last few days. If I'm honest I really just want to give up totally and fade away quietly. As usual I am totally exhausted and every single joint hurts and both kidneys are mixing between constant dull pain and shooting, stabbing pain. Sleep when it arrives is pretty terrifying and I know I'm trying to wake myself up most of the time as I simply want to get away from the horrors inside my head.

Lockdown, Day 113

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Was not in a posting mood yesterday. Although having seen some news this morning my back pain and other aches seem decidedly unimportant. I've just heard a friend is on a ventilator following being brought back after her heart stopped last week She has not been well for a while and I've never actually spoken to her, but we have chatted lots on line during the nights I haven't slept and she has always made me feel better, talking about her girls (cows) and Meagan the calf she was bringing up in the house and who escaped from wherever she was put outside to move back inside!!  One thing I hate about this horrific disease is the way is attacks the nicest people and there is nothing much we can do to stop or slow it. It moves at its own pace. I wonder if I'm being stupid hoping it carries on moving slowly to give me time to prepare Mikey and me (and Andy) for when I have to move on to Dialysis. I know it will happen, but nobody can tell me when and I'm hearing for too m...