Lockdown 2020 and on

 Since Lockdown 1 Andy and I have been watching Classic Casualty. We were watching one earlier and a Bride had Jumped from a Church Tower as her Fiance had  not been able to go through with the wedding. She then tried emotional blackmail and it just reminded me of my own life. People have used that type of blackmail on both Andy and I over the past 20 years. It terrifies me that she might try it on Mikey, there is no way he can cope or deal with the way she twists the truth to her advantage. It actually reminded me that I am lucky that she has nothing to do with me, I just wish I could remove both Andy and Mikey from her sphere of influence. Permanently. I'm still having great fun sleeping, I spend most of the night looking at the ceiling whilst listening to Andy snoring. But once he gets up I tend to fall asleep...Although I did get up at 7.30 to let Misty in as she had been out all night - mad cat! She had kindly left a gift on the doorstep for us, but Andy managed to clear it aw

Nephrology this morning, Dr Klebe is happy with how I am doing as my function has gone up 5 points and I'm back at 19. This means dialysis is pushed further away again!! He is not exactly happy about my scan and current antibiotics as Trimethoprim is not the best antibiotic for me, but as I'm only taking it every other day he is OK for the time being! He has rather pooh poohed my GP's theory about B12 Anaemia as due to my kidney failure my bone marrow will naturally produce larger blood cells and EPO will also effect it! But he has agreed to test my B12 again in the next lot of blood test! Hopefully that will keep everyone happy! Dr Klebe also agrees that I don't want more needles in my life yet! B12 injections tend not to be self administered so aren't just subcutaneous which I am more than happy with! As I seem to have an amazing ability to annoy people at the moment I have now decided to take a vow of silence. Hopefully that will keep everyone else happy and redu

 We are still plodding through Lockdown...Yesterday we had the excitement of watching a new President take over in Washington. This one is slightly older than the last one, but he looks and sounds like a statesman rather then an over excited toddler throwing a tantrum. Even better he isn't orange and doesn't appear to be addicted to tweeting everything! My GP is still addicted to writing letters...I received on today which was only written 3 days ago! Royal Mail must be ignoring older mail and concentrating on the new stuff! My blood tests appear to show I am still anaemic (No shit Sherlock springs to mind) but he is now suggesting that my anaemia may also include a lack of B12 as my Red Cells are still too big or something! At least I can talk to Dr Klebe tomorrow and hopefully find out what me new eGFR is as - surprise surprise, he doesn't tell me that as I can't possible understand it! His theory will result in more blood test and if he is right I'll need B12 sho

 Had my appointment with the Stone Clinic today - thankfully over the phone so no dash into Canterbury! It appears that I do have a smallish stone in my right Kidney...not what I wanted to hear as that is my 'good' kidney after the left one got mullered in 2008 but stones! So fat they are not too bothered about the cysts and want to do another CT scan but with contrast... I'm pretty sure she wasn't expecting my reaction when I asked if it was OK to use contrast on me after confirming I'm not allergic to it!  What I have leaned this morning is that Contrast is fine if your eGFR is above 30...the last result I have seen was 14 so the plan is to get me in, seriously hydrate me and then scan me and top up my hydration. I think I will start to resemble a barrage balloon but it will protect my kidneys whilst still letting them see as much detail as possible. Once the scan has been done and reviewed a decision will be made about what the next stage will be... Hopefully the

I am starting to feel that the last 2 weeks have been the longest in my life. I am feeling unbelievably yucky and I don't seem able to talk to anyone and just get annoyed far too quickly and easily.  This morning I had intended to wash my hair, but the actual doing felt fat too much and the idea of just shaving it all off was very appealing. Although it would give me a new thing to moan about  as I'd probably end up with a very cold head and ears! Tomorrow I have the pleasure of the stone clinic via phone. Thanks to the letter from Urology that I got yesterday I now know that I have cysts on my kidneys. I'm hoping that is what is causiing the pain I am experiencing as it is not going away and  I am really at the end of what I can deal with. All the time my symptoms were not painful I could deal with them quite easily, but now; these pains are making me even more down and getting back up is just getting harder and harder. I feel that I have no real reason to carry on and not

 Yet another bad night - but for once it wasn't just insomnia or a snoring Andy! But this time it was due to pain and was as far from comfortable as it was possible to be! I used to be very proud that I didn't notice pain...I missed the pain from Kidney Stones, I gave birth with no pain relief, I had a heart attack without bothering and drove home from Medway ( with Mikey) after it. But now, or at least last night, the pain was off the scale for me at anyway! I have a horrible feeling that this is something that I am going to have to get used to now. I did take some paracetamol at 1am and that did help enough to get me to sleep by 3.30... Mikey was also having a 'not sleeping' night and was still wide awake when I went back to bed. As a result it is now 10 am and he is dead to the world! I have to admit that he does still look adorably cute when he is sleeping - probably because he isn't talking at me! Misty really appreciates either Andy or me getting up during the

I have really had enough now. I feel really ill, but I can't think of the words to use so I can describe exactly how awful I am feeling. My stomach is churning like a cement mixer and I know I need to eat, but the thought of actually putting food in my mouth feels horrific. My hands are currently freezing and my nails are a long way from being pink, and I am alternating between shivering and over heating. Mikey is at full volume and  my head is not reacting well to it. I'm also finding it extremely tough to write about how I feel, my wonderful super ego is busy yelling at me what I should be feeling and doing and my brain is basically refusing to even consider trying it. Unlike yesterday lunch has not happened and I really don't want to consider dinner. My main aim is to get back to bed and sleep...but then I start to worry about not sleeping etc. I really feel that I am in an unwinnable situation; I really can't think or see a way out of this and I also really don'