Lockdown 2020 and on

My insomnia appears to be loving me at the moment and really has no desire to leave me peace. I know how tired I am but it just seems to want to see just how far it can push me before I crack completely. I am fed up talking to my GP about this as they just tell me to relax and try to get my sleep pattern under control... If I could do that would I be in there asking for help??? And they wonder why I get stressed... We got a hand book for families with Autistic Children today from KCC...I'm sure it will be helpful but an assessment would be more helpful rather than the length of the waiting list we are currently on which will not get any shorter in the current circumstances. To be honest I wish my Dad was still here as I'm sure he would know someone who could help us. I just miss having him to talk to at the end of a phone. I thought it would have started to ease by now, but if anything I'm missing him even more. I know he didn't go by choice, but I don't believe he ...

Finally got to sleep last night, but it was not at all relaxing ore refreshing, Mixed in with my normal bouts of insomnia I am really getting fet up with not ever having any energy or feeling refreshed when I get up. With my thinking while asleep i have come up with a new theory (letting me think is always a bad Idea...) Before I got married my Dad was ill, his main symptom was complete exhaustion and one hell of a bad mood, sore throat and feeling basically awful all the time. This went on for a very long time and after a whole host of tests that came back clear and negative it was decided he had ME (or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) My Nephrologist has already suggested I also have this and having done a little research this morning I am starting to agree. My fatigue is worsening whilst my anaemia results have improved so I should have more energy rather than less. I also have had horrific headaches for the last few weeks, a sore throat and every joint aches. My sleep pattern has been con...

Unfortunately I had time to think yesterday....It hit me decidedly hard that I have now survived 2 cancer scares... On top of my heart and kidney problems I am now officially terrified. As Andy was in a snoring mood last night I moved downstairs and had far too much rime to think as I should have definitely bought longer sofas! Me + a cat is too much for one sofa! But I happily got stuck into some very old episodes of CSI (Miami and original) and then switched to Netflix and Funny Girl! But I even managed to decide that 4am is a little early for singing show tunes... Andy appeared at about 4.45 and I was told to go back to bed...I was more than happy to do that but my brain was still whizzing around thinking far too much! My delivery of folic acid yesterday has been cleared up! My GP (nameless) appears to have reacted to my blood tests from last week where my folate levels look a little low... for a so called normal person they are, but for me they are perfectly normal. So I am now tak...

I'm decidedly fed up with British weather,. On Saturday I was in a summer top and far too warm, not I'm finding jumper and my hands are permanently frozen. I know I should be used to this, but is is windy and cold; whilst also being sunny...argh!!!I'd just like a system to settle over us and stay put! Ev even rain would be better than all this changeable stuff! Last night was not as good a sleep as Monday! I obviously need more Fentanyl...even though, as I read last night, it is 50 times more lethal than Heroin. I'm fine with that as I slept better than I can remember sleeping for months, or maybe years!! I did find out that it is used on death row inmates in Arkansas, but I had 50mcl, they start at 500! But as a way to go, it doesn't sound too bad! Mikey is currently busy trying to make money on one of his x box games...if the kills the Slasher he gets paid $50,000!! But before he does he has come down for some lunch and some maths! I am a cruel and heartless mothe...

This has been a decidedly odd day...Mikey has done Mathletics (3 sections) and has also written a short guide to Anglo Saxon Britain...well typed as writing makes his hand hurt so I went for the lesser of the available evils by suggesting typing rather than arguing to try to get him to write! The other advantage of typing is I can read it! I'm slightly shocked anyway as I slept for 11 hours! I only woke up when Mikey poked me! If he hadn't I would probably still be sleeping serenely... I'm now completely in love with Fentanyl as it got me through yesterday with no issues or flash backs and by the time I went to bed knocked me out nicely and kept me out for a long time...can I get a safe version of it for home!?! Based on my recent sleep patterns I would adore to get real sleep every night for a change! Unfortunately my good mood didn't last long as I am still really tired! And People seem to be increasingly getting more and more stupid the longer this pandemic goes on. ...

Well I'm home and the scoping is all done! Just as I thought, nothing has been found and all lymph nodes are present and none swollen...so quite what the A&E Dr saw at Christmas is a mystery!! I am officially mysterious now!! As procedures go it was not enjoyable but I can now say I have seen my appendix and, for me, eating sweetcorn is totally pointless and a complete waste of time!! But one positive is I have broken my spell of bad experiences at Canterbury Hospital! I was cannulated easily, got through the procedure with only light sedation and left on the same day as I was meant to!! My blood pressure even behaved and the nurse made me a lovely cup of tea with chocolate biscuits to recover with afterwards! All in all it was not the horrific experience I was expecting. I am now shattered and all I had to do was lie on a bed and discuss Faberge eggs with the consultant! Slightly surreal at the time to be honest!!

Sorry, Just didn't get round to blogging anything yesterday...to be honest all I did was eat lunch, moan about not being able to eat anything else after it, supply snacks for Mikey and then take laxitives...Summed up my life perfectly! I wish the medical profession could find a way of not starving patients prior to any procedures...once Covid-19 is out of the way I'm sure they could have a good think about it! Chocoholics go into withdrawal and they get grumpy and snappy...not nice for relatives. Plus I've made a huge dent in Andy's apple juice trying to get the horrible liquid laxitive down, and Mikey was not impressed that Mum had hogged the bathroom for so long! To be honest I'm not sure if the effect on me is the drug or the fact I'm terrified about what is being done and looked for this afternoon. It isn't helped by ANdy not being allowed in to the hospital so I'm going to have to listen and report back once I'm released!  Both cats are being to...