Lockdown 2020 and on

 The change to normality has already worn off. I am so fed up now and I'm fed up at people ramming stuff down my throat.  I detest this disease that I am going to have to live with for the rest off my life. I hate living in a town where the members of the family, which I DO belong to want nothing to do with me and just want me to get on and die. I'm almost at the stage where I would like to do what they want just so I can go and be lonely somewhere else and hopefully would be out of pain. This lockdown has been horrible for me, I have had no support bubble, the only member of my family who has bothered to speak to me is my Mother. I feel that I have been totally isolated and nobody wants to spend any time with me. Why should I keep going on when there is no reason? One thing I do need to do is get Andy and Mikey talking to each other and then I definitely won't be needed or missed.  I have no clue what to do to improve how I feel here...while I feel so unwanted I can't

 Although we still have loads of rules, Lockdown and shielding have ended! I was going to go out today, but this morning every movement made my head spin so I really was not safe to be allowed out! But Mikey has returned to school to complete his one day this week! He has come home in a good mood and has had his tour of the local parks to use up any energy he has in reserve - hopefully he will be alseep before midnight tonight which was not achieved last night!! But if he could hear the snores from our room I would not blame him!  I have a feeling Andy was working on a world record last night - I'm looking forward to Easter Monday when he comes off call and can wear  his sleep machine again!! I may need to play something louder through my sleep mask to block the snores out! All of us are off for the next 4 days - Andy is just on call over night and the usual weekend hours, but the weather is expected to get colder. Not good for Monday when we are actually going to see Mum!! The las

 Today is my last day of shielding, I received my official discharge type letter today - but I get the impression that they are reserving to right to push us back in if they need to - after all they have already done that!! The thought of actually being allowed out is still a scary concept...far too many people are of the opinion that the pandemic is over or that it actually never happened. There is also the train of thought that masks to do need to be worn once you have had one jab. The science has made it very clear that this is not the case and you need both plus a period of time after the second to have maximum protection. Plus even when jabbed you can still carry and pass on the virus. It all make sense to me and I did not science at all after the age of 16! So just how imbecilic do people have to be to put themselves and those (if any) that they love? Last night I ended up really angry at the news - it was full of self rightous filled snowflakes who are just trying to cause as mu

 Sleep was pretty much totally impossible last night...to say my brain was in Grand Prix mode is a complete understatement and all it did was get me stressed and very, very anxious. One thing I do remember was my Dad was there - which just added to my stress and reminded me just how much I miss him, I even ended up crying due to simply wishing I could talk to him about how I feel at the moment. In my dream he was a bit 'knight in shining armour' and went into battle for me with the people who hate me the most. She didn't change her opinion but was read her life story and told not to EVER upset me again. He started asking why she wore the same colour as me to my and Andy's wedding and went on from there. It just felt so wonderful to have someone on my side for once, and also to see someone tell her the misery and pain she inflicts on people who would happily help and support her if only she could be nice and act like a human being. The rest of the occupants in the house

We've made it to another weekend, Mikey has had at least 4 Nerf Battles at the local park - luckily with his sch ool bubble after seeing them all crammed onto the slide there!! As usual I am totally exhausted and just want to curl up and sleep! Mikey started off going to school, but we got called before 9 to pick him up! He apparently has a sore throat and he did look a little rough  when he went... But now he is home and has had calpol he seems totally fine! But he has retired to his bedroom to relax with his x box!! Andy is working from home as usual and I am just feeling sick and have my normal splitting headache - probably due to my blood pressure being too high. But my GP doesn't want to mess around with my medication... I am actually dreading being allowed out of shielding, simply because I feel so crap. I am fed up being a warrior; I would just love a break from all this - to taste food as it really tastes, have a day with some energy and not feeling pain or sick. Basica