Lockdown 2020 and on

Andy called an ambulance for me today as I have been having issues breathing as well as the 'normal' back pain and headache. Oh, and a few heart palpitations  thrown in for good measure with a racing normal heart... THey did warn me that A&E was crammed - but I was in a corridor outside a waiting room for 10 people with at least 20 crammed in. I was leaning on a wall and the girl next to me said I looked very grey and was I alright... Another man walked in with his girlfriend to be told the wait is at least 6 hours; he turned round and dragged her out as she wasn't dead! Most of the people had been sent by their GP- none of them had actually seen a human face to face or on a screen - it is now their get out, if in doubt sent them to A&E. After not being seen for an hour even for triage and being close to collapsing as it was just so hot with so many people in a small place I had had enough. There was no water available as they had been so busy, all the bottles had g...

 Mikey has come home today in the worst mood I have seen from him, EVER. Apparently it was a silent drive home so I followed the stomping upstairs and eventually got something out of him. After a pretty good start he HATES his school. His class keep talking when they shouldn't and all of them get told off - as Mikey is over sensitive to noise this really sets his anxiety off. He also is not impressed at being told to keep his shirt tucked in and the fact people get detention even if they are only 30 seconds late. He hasn't been late - but is doing his usual Mikey thing and worrying in advance. We have also been telling him how proud we are at the number of achievement points he has already collected; but we are just saying we are proud and don't really mean it. How am I meant to get him to believe me when I tell him how well he is doing and how proud of him I am?? Personally this has hit me hard - I was really hoping he was settling in and we were over the worst, but it app...

 I am very aware of how everyone is feeling...but I am at the end of my ever shortening tether. Over the last few weeks I have felt increasingly alone and isolated - which in a house this size is quite an achievement. I am also always telling myself I can beat and get through this, but it is pretty much impossible to believe myself now.  Mikey is growing up and will not need me as much and Andy clearly doesn't. He is much happier when I'm not around or being silent. He can then happily get on with what he wants to do or whatever App on his phone has got his attention. I'm also trying to lose weight again, but all of out scales are not working so I have no clue if I am getting anywhere at all. The one advantage I do have is that I still can't taste most food so I still have no desire at all to want to eat; I've even gone off chocolate...I'd rather have sweets than chocolate - I#m pretty much living on butter mints and sherbet lemons. My emotions are all over the ...