Lockdown 2020 and on

 I am still trying to recover from Thursday...I hate what this disease has done to me, even sitting in the car driving has worn me out - it just makes me feel so stupid. How can sitting in a car be so exhausting? My back is still in constant pain and I am close to tears at all times. Basically I am an emotional mess. I am trying to keep up with everything, but Mikey is far more interested in his X Box than me - Mum is just too much work. Andy also has new interests that do not involve me. I guess this is what I have ahead of me; they will move on and not need me at all. A friend asked recently if any other women had been affected by the fitting of PD ports or fistulas. I have not yet had mine done but I am already dreading that it will make me feel even more broken. IN order to stay alive my body will need to be altered/defaced. Will I still be me?

After our first family lunch out earlier this week, we decided to go for a Family trip to Wingham - one of Mums choices as I have been watching the videos from Wingham during lockdown and really wanted to go back in person! (Plus they now have a couple of giraffes - one of my favourites!! My first challenge was driving there using the sat nav in the car! OK, the first challenge was working out how to program it without bothering to read the instructions!! The first route we programmed had to be changed due to  a road closure, but I actually enjoyed driving and am sort of angry with myself for now having an automatic before! I also found that the car has a 6 speed gear box! I got into 5th easily - but it kept going!! I think my excitement woke Andy up!! Timing wise we arrived a little early, but once we'd masked up and walked from where I'd abandoned the car, we were in on time and ready for a comfort stop to start with!  The first animal was a peacock heading for a picnic area!

To be honest, freedom is really feeling like Hell at the moment as the temperature is crazy for England in the Summer! I am really not designed for temperatures of 30c and above!! Sleep last night was best described as challenging. My sleep mask with it's speakers is wonderful, but just too warm in this weather!! I'm convinced my eyes sweat in it!! What would be nice would be a severe temperature drop as it gets dark, then I will get some sleep and might even have some energy tomorrow!! The plan at the moment is to head to Wingham later this week to work on those family memories I need and crave so much. So camera batteries will need to be charged up in advance!! I am looking forward to just having some family time that is as normal as we can manage in these strange times we exist in now. We have not made any other plans so far...I guess we are just aiming for spontanaity! This will be something new for Andy any way!! If this heat is going  to continue I just pray it involves a