Lockdown 2020 and on

 Andy and Mikey have gone to see his Mum. I am very much persona non grata and it is hard to put into words how much this constantly causes me a tremendous amount of pain. I have never been welcomed into her family. I can only assume I am seem as some kind of threat to her. Before we got married she screamed at Andy that he spent too much time with me. At that point I should have started work on convincing him to move away from Ashford. But me being me I just agreed to move over here, away from everyone and everything I knew.  Once we were married we were never left alone to do what we wanted. One weekend my parents came over for lunch and she also arrived and totally ignored them. I am unable to be that rude to anyone. But in one of my therapy sessions I talked about this and my therapist said she was a complete narcissist and as she has already made her mind up about me being a threat to her world she can never change. As Andy is fed up talking to me about how she makes me f...

 I'm  having a horrible dip at the moment. I'm  feeling more worthless than ever and everything just seems to reinforce my complete lack of importance at the moment. I'm not convinced anyone would miss me if I just vanished. I actually know some people would celebrate. Poor Rory is still in pain. I wish I could give him something to help - does alcohol numb pain for animals?? I wish I still liked it so I could try to numb my emotions and forget what I am feeling right now. I might even be able to enjoy some part of my existence. Right now I hate it and just wish it would end or move me anywhere else; hopefully bringing in people who might value me in some way. Mikey and I have not got on well today. I am nagging too much about getting his homework done. All I can think he is going to have one hell of a shock in September when he won't be given weeks to get 3 pieces of work done. He has also spent today in nothing more than a pair of pants, however many times I ask him t...

 Today was Marchwood...My favourite day of the week!! But today someone who has been off for the last couple of weeks was back; but I didn't slap her! There was an awful lot of muttering under my breath = especially as lots of stuff she came out with was so easy to prove wrong. There is no point telling me how WHH deal with Renal cases as I know from bitter experience that they don't and the ONLY renal department in Kent is in Canterbury. The renal unit in Ashford is a satallite and is mainly used for dialysis and occasional consultations and treatments to save patients having to travel to Canterbury. She also objects if you don't exactly agree with her and if you prove she is wrong she sulks and refuses to discuss it or speak about it again. If you are not willing to debate things don't start talking about them! Apparently Trump should still be president to finish his destruction of various Child abuse rings. He was only friends with Epstein because he needed to be ins...