Lockdown 2020 and on

 All booked in for my vaccine on Monday. Andy was not impressed that I have to go to Canterbury - but I'm just pleased I am finally getting stabbed! I have honestly been terrified for the last 11 months, especially once I heard how this adorable virus attacked kidneys. Mine are crap without any help from a Chinese virus... Mum is booked in for Tuesday, Andy had his almost a month ago and my sister has had hers as she is currently volunteering as a vaccine hub!  So we should all be protected thankfully... Having assured the nurse yesterday that I feel fine I'm now feeling far too hot and decidedly rough...but I'm getting that injection! The GPs in Ashford don't appear to be doing anything at all...my appointment was made through the Renal Dept at Canterbury Hospital. Dr Klebe did ask if I'd had it in passing and I just laughed! But as I told him that my GP was worrying about my blood results and he explained there was no reason to I think he has changed his opinion o...

Today seems even tougher. I am completely over emotional and really close to tears all the time...plus to say I'm feeling paranoid is an understatement. I am terrified that anything I say will annoy or upset someone. Who the someone may be is unknown, but I know I will do it. Mikey is still being very challenging and is totally uninterested in doing anything for school. This is not helping my mental state as I just can't understand why... In the past I have objected to being told what to do unless I was given a reason why - so my bright idea this week was to explain why doing this work is important. That was met with stony silence and he was not even the slightest bit impressed. I now feel complete sorrow for his teachers as he is a nightmare, albeit a quiet one compared to many in his class. Physically I'm still feeling constantly sick (Mikey's description of the ginger I'm drinking to try and settle my stomach is NOT helping...) and I am still getting regular pain...

 I am totally fed up with feeling so drained and useless. Yesterday I had signed up for a Talk by Lucy Worsley, the Raven Master and a Curator of the Tower of London. I really enjoyed it, all about the myths and tales of the Tower and I now really want to get Mikey there before he grows up too much and won't enjoy a Blood Thirsty Beefeater tour! At the moment |it would really appeal to his History Head and also to him being such a BOY!! Hopefully we will make it this summer... My memory is really not working at all - I had a major thinking session this morning about exactly what I wanted to write about today. Can I remember a single part of it now? Nope...nothing, a complete blank other than I remember thinking that I really must not forget this. But my Brain obviously wiped everything other than 'DON'T FORGET THIS'. Maybe Andy's idea of wiping my memory and starting again is a good one! Mikey has a day free of Zoom lessons today - as a result he stayed in bed for t...

Today is a strange day, remembering the millions the Nazis disliked so disposed of... And yesterday the UK passed 100,000 dead thanks to Covid. So much death and a Crematorium has just put it's prices up by 48% . Basically now many people just can't afford to die or people are going to start burying their families in their gardens. It all feels totally horrific and we really need more than a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe a small nuclear explosion would help just clear everything and a move to a new planet to start again?? Boris has just announced that schools will not open until 8th March. In that period of time he does have a week of half term, but basically it is still weeks and weeks of excuses from Mikey about why he can't actually do any of the work sent home. He was meant to be going on his residential thing at the end of March, that has now - hopefully, been moved to July providing life has normalised enough! I'm not sure if we have actually told him yet....

Still feeling decidedly fed up and Pissed off. I managed a sandwich for lunch, but now I'm just crazily thirsty and nothing is stopping that feeling.  Andy is currently sat behind me with earphones in as he is still working...BUT he is singing along with whatever he is listening to and annoyingly I am totally unable to work out what he is singing and it is driving me up the wall. Is that enough of a defence for GBH?!?!  I did my usual annoying wake up earlier. Andy had an alarm at 7.30 but I had been awake for a while. Once he was up I snuggled down for a few more minutes; my last memory is thinking I might as well turn the radio on while I snooze...I woke up 2 hours later! My sleep pattern is completely shot and even worse than Mikeys! And that is saying something! But he does still have the energy of youth...I think I still remember that sometime back in the Dark Ages. There is yet another Downing St Briefing this afternoon. Hopefully not about the lockdown being extended to...

 I am not sure what is happening to my head at the moment - but I have just had enough. I'm totally drained, my exhaustion is exhausted and all I feel like doing is crying and sobbing. But I can't do that as it would make Mikey freak out and trying to get him to do any work is still along the lines of smashing my head on a wall, constantly. I still can't see any sign of this all ending. In theory I should be vaccinated by mid February but I still have heard nothing about when or where. I'm also still waiting to find when I have to go in for my next scan - and the pain in my right side is not easing and I really do not want to go to A&E which is what the stone clinic have told me to do.

 This is really getting to me now, it is dragging and January feels as it it is never going to end.  This morning Mikey has a Zoom lesson at 9am and to say he is not happy is an understatement! He went upstairs to collect some notes 20 minutes ago and has only just come back down (without his notes) and is dragging his feet a la Zombie mode!  One thing I have found is that I'm getting far too many old memories back. I must be recreating links in my brain again...why now is beyond me! But it is making me feel rather uncomfortable as they pop into my head at the strangest times. A major disadvantage of not sleeping is that I have too much extra time for thinking...last night I came up with a list of things I wanted to write about...now; I can't recall a single one.  Andy has just been talking to me about a time I got a quote for motor insurance - but I have absolutely no recollection of it...so it is not just old memories that have vanished! It is decidedly odd trying ...