Lockdown 2020 and on

I am mostly getting angry with myself now. I am seriously struggling and I can't see or think of any way out of this. This morning has been nice, Andy and I went back to Dobbies and now have twinkly coloured lights in the front window. Although I prefer white, it is only fair to let Andy have coloured ones as he lives here too. We also got Mikey some battery operated lights to go into his room; I can only think his mothers love of bling has influenced him on a genetic basis! We also got 2 robin ornaments for the tree to represent both Grandads. I have always loved Robins and the current thinking that they are filled with the spirits of past loved ones is one I am happy to believe and continue. I know I am overly emotional at the moment, but for some reason it just feels right. For some unknown reason I am meant to be emotional at the moment and not bottle it up, I have spent too many years trying to be whatever others have wanted or expected me to be rather than being who I am. If

 Once more my brain has been thinking far too much. The South East has been stuck into Tier 3 so pretty much still in Lockdown, my brain has refound memories that I would much rather not remember as they all are around the bitch known as my mother in law. If I had mentioned what I have now recalled to my Dad he would have turned the car around on the way to the wedding and my history would be decidedly different. I would not be living miserably in East Kent for a start. Right now I live in a town where all relatives just want me dead or living away from my son and husband. How can a mother expect em to abandon my son to her tender loving care when I have seen what sort of mess she has made of ruining the lives of both of her sons. I also assume it is thanks to her care that I only have one child as my husband chose not to get close eo me for years, leaving me feeling isolated and unwanted by anyone as I was so isolated in a town where I knew nobody. I can honestly say that for the last

As this current chaotic pandemic is starting to look as though it is going to last for months rather than days I've been looking for the things that make me happier! In the past I admit I have been slightly addicted to Smooth Radio as it is very 'light' music and pretty relaxing. I was also slightly fond of Encore whilst it was on DAB! Earlier this year it stopped altogether and I discovered Magic at the Musicals. Thanks to Alexa I can just ask for it and I can settle in bed and listen to a range of songs from Shows I have either loved or really want to see! I have now also discovered some new shows that are being added to my list! Unfortunately Andy doesn't really get any choice in radio stations, ut he hasn't moaned to much so far; and he should be grateful that I'm not trying to sing!! I have also enjoyed getting to spend more time with Andy; if anything else this pandemic has let me get closer to me little family than I have been for years. And as we are get