Lockdown 2020 and on

Tough day today, it was 4 years ago that my Dad died and I'm still not used to the feelings of loss which are overwhelming me more and more often at the moment. I'm exhaausted and drained and totally unable to drag any energy up from anywhere. My throat is sore and the glands on one side of my neck are swollen and painful. I really need a break from all of this mess that China have kindly created for the planet. I'm also starting to prepare for my appointment with my Nephrologist but thinking about the tings I need to talk to him about drag my mood down again and just give me more to think about and also worry about. It really hurt earlier when the storm hit as I was trying to calm Mikey down to stop the panic which someone has convinced him he has, in our house it is Grandad 10 pin bowling with the angels...and trying to explain to Mikey why Thunder and Lightening makes me cry just added to it and I couldn't do it. It has been a long day today and I just want to sleep.

   I know nobody with any shred of sanity is enjoying this lockdown, I am also very aware of just how important it is to keep everyone safe (and how important it is for me not to catch it as it would finish my kidneys totally) But I have had enough. I'm stuck in a tiny house, I'm not allowed out (not that there is anywhere to go)  plus I'm stuck in a town where the only relatives I have here hate me and will not even speak to me. I need to get away for my sanity, what little I have left. Poor Mikey gets the brunt of my 'displeasure' as he finds it easy to wind me up, simply because he is so like me. I'm also objecting to the way he has been yelling WHAT at me whenever I ask a question, unless it is a question such as 'shall we do some Maths?' That is usually greeted by total silence and me being completely ignored - I wish he would stop watching his father! Andy is finding it even easier to ignore me now as the hearing in one ear is still playing up. He

Woke up this morning in tears, due to the pollen levels. Getting my eyes open was my first challenge, then every orrifice started leaking. My head is pounding and I've already thrown up.If it isn't pollen, I must be allergic to KFC!! Mikey will not be happy if I am as he has already requested KFC to eat for his birthday next month! We have found new food that he will eat as well! Ski Mousses were on special offer last week so I ordered Strawberry and Lemon (mainly as they are only 77 calories!!) Mikey is in love!  But he is a tad confused between mousse and yoghurt at the moment and he is insisting on pronouncing it with a US accent!!  I'm currently watching last nights Paul O'Grady Battersea thing...It is the start of my attempt to convince Andy that he is not terrified of dogs... (well I can live in hope and dream, can't I???) Both cats are somewhere alseep...hardly great company are they?? I just need something in this house that wants me for me... This was in Or

I'm not doing well today...I'm tired, feel totally drained and I just want to hide from the world. But on the plus side Mikey and I managed to finally finish his maths test that was started on Monday. He wanted to get 100%, but got 84% and evil Mum refused to redo the whole test as I doubt both of us would survive it!  But as his teacher is happy with the scores he has been achieving I think it can be left for now. I know full well he will forget what he has been doing but maybe a tiny memory might stick! We have not yet managed any of the maths set this week, I guess I'm hoping Dad might try to clear some with him before Half term to give me a short escape... I can dream can't I??? I've produced lunch for Mikey, but I seem to be back in not eating mode. It is doing my head in as I know I'm hungry, but I can't find anything simple and quick that I want to eat so I've decided not to bother. I know I should eat but I also know that forcing myself never end

I am suffering from a severe case of Lockdown brain. My symptoms are total and utter confusion about everything, terror at any unexpected happening and a desire to be shut away from everyone else.  Today, when Mimey came in from a trip to the park he came in making his usual amount of noise. But I wasnt expecting him, jumped and them my drink across the lounge! I decided at that point to cut my losses and try to cook instead! I never said lockdown brain helps you make sensible decisions, but nobody has died yet... My only real achievement today was to complete a diamond version of "Girl with a Pearl Earring" I've now movexintk a Mandala which is mostly endless shades of blue...bets ars being taken on how long it will be before I throw it in the arc my drink took earlier!! The photo makes it look better than I think it does in 'real life's but it joins my Van Gogh and my Monet...just waiting for Mona Lisa to arrive and I can open a gallery!! I was consi

Today seems to have followed seamlessly on from the troubles yesterday. Mikey and I tried to do some Mathletics this morning, but he appeared to have an issue with typing numbers into the laptop or pressing enter without thumping it. He got so wound up and stressed I sent him to his bedroom to calm down. It took a while and was very noisey, while he was wailing I dropped a quick line to his teacher to explain what was going on and that I feel supporting him is far more important than school work right now. Thankfully she has replied and agrees with me!v And has also congratulated him on his maths results so far and the only piece of work he has manged to submit via Purple Mash! I have also warned her that the exercise book sent home when school closed is still pretty much empty... On a personal note I'm feeling even more isolated and alone. I am trying to give Mikey the support he needs, but I have no idea if what I'm doing is helping him of hindering.I just wish the Lenworth C

Didn't get round to posting yesterday, to be honest most of the day was filled with trying to keep Mikey going. He has really got to the end of his tether with all the isolation.  I know that the Isolation advice has been lightened, but Mikey just want to see his friends and get his usual distractions rather than being nagged by Mum to get dressed  or open his curtains (I am beginning to suspecr  that he is going vampire as he prefers to be in a dark room!!) We had a lovely Zoom chat last night with most of the Energizer Crew; including Sue from the States, plus Phil who had been banished to the basement and a few of the feline residents! I think the Zoom calls are possible the most Andy and I speak to each other (especially when Mikey freaks and I have to deal with that - Andy tends to run away at that point as Mikey wants me) That does make me a little down, once all this madness is over I'm worried we will be back to hardly speaking again... Last night was another horrific n