Lockdown 2020 and on

Getting Mikey to sleep last night was a minor nightmare! I think he eventually fell asleep just before 3am! But he seems to be coping fine so far today; maybe he will actually sleep tonight!! He struggled up at 9ish, he was actually dressed at 2am for some reason! But he did get changed again once he had attacked all his presents and recorded his first video with his new tripod! He is determined to be a blogger of some kind! Or is it technically a Vlogger?!?! I am feeling very proud of myself as I drove to Mums even with all the helpful comments from the co driver in the passenger seat. Mikey and I are threatening to duct tape his mouth if I drive again! I can cope with all the questions and stuff from Mikey, but really do not need the sarcastic comments from my loving husband! I let him drive home as my neck which ahs been painful all day is getting worse. I spent the trip home playing with the screen in my car to connect the bluetooth in the car to my phone! I appeaer to bot have to

This afternoon Mikey had a very special visitor; One of his school friends knocked on the door totally unexpected, so I sent him round to the garden while we extracted Mikey from his room and sent him out!  The yell of "James!!!" was wonderful, especially as Mikey was convinced he would never see him again as he is changing School in September! The boys had a quick chat and e-mail addresses were passed to his Foster Mum again so I think they are going to have a longer catch up next week! James is back at school so I'm partly sure Miss Attenborough has had a hand in all this!! We are so lucky with the school he is at, even if he isn't actually going at the moment! I am just so grateful that they have helped to start his special day off in such an unexpected way!!

Definitely thinking backwards today!! 10 years ago Andy had to take me to Hospital for monitoring as I couldn't feel the baby moving and a friend in Scotland (who was also pregnant) told me to get checked! I spent all of the Friday afternoon on a monitor and having blood samples taken. The original plan was for me to go in on Sunday for my induction so I was sent home as they were happy my bump was doing OK and there was nothing to worry about! That was my first experience that I remember of how tired hospital tests make me so I was not in a cooking mood! Dinner ended up being KFC and a tub of Ben & Jerries as I had decided that the bump couldn't put that much weight on in 2 days!  Just as I curled up with my tub the hospital called me and told me to go back the following morning as my blood tests had shown a problem. She did tell me what it was but I honestly can't recall what she said! The plan at that point was to do my induction as soon I arrived, so as I thought I

Another night on the sofa, Andy looked quite comfortable in bed when I got up at 2.30! I'm not even sure he noticed I had gone! I was very good and stuck to my fast with no sneaky mid-night feasts and I only drank water!! So why don't I feel smug and self satisfied?? It has been a fairly quiet day, not sunny but very overcast and humid which is not helping me stay awake if I'm honest! I'm really hopeful I will pass out nicely tonight and get a full nights sleep for the first time since my afternoon with Fentanyl! Even morphine failed last night, but I@m blaming Andy's bright idea of mixing it with night time Rescue Remedy which has a base of glycerine so is amazingly sweet and acted as a wake up call rather than a knock out! Tomorrow is counselling again (note to self - do the measures) and Andy and Mikey have a session with Becky; I get an afternoon off!!!!!! Time to party, or maybe sleep! I really am getting old. I have rediscovered Mah Jong recently - I'm now

I started today feeling good - a rarity for me at the current time. Unfortunately this did not last for long as I had a text lecture from my sister. This redusced me to tears and totally shattered to facade I had put in place for today. Apparently I am crap at communicating anything and selfish etc. So having spent the last week trying to build my brain into something which looks at what I can and might be able to do; I've now had SHOULD slammed into my face with some force.   To be honest I am fed up with being pressured into doing what someone else feels I should do and when I should do it, nothing is what I feel I can do or when I can do it. All that has happened is |I now feel even more worthless and useless. I now don't want to leave my house or see anyone. I feel completely isolated and that nobody should waste their time or effort on the mess I am. I also know that I should not let this get to me, but she knows how to completely demolish me and can do it effortlessly. I

Another rather mixed up day. I manged to wake up with a nasty sense of impending doom. I can't be any more precise than that...so I refused to get up! But Mikey was yelling at high volume into his headset so I dragged (literally) myself out of bed to try and quieten him down as I could hear Andy muttering downstairs. He didn't venture up to sort the noise, but I coped and did get him to be quieter for a few nano seconds at least! Once down stairs I hit the paracetamol which really did nothing, but my shoulders and elbows are still complaining - but not too badly so I'm still taking the tablets in the hope my body may decide to play ball and stop trying to hurt me... I have even managed a little diamond painting today but has now ceased as I really am not in the mood to push my luck right now! A massive positive is that Mikey and I managed to get up to date on his mathletics and easily his to 80% target, so all done for now with only 1 melt down, so I'm taking that as a

 Sorry, just didn't get around to blogging yesterday...it just all got away from me really... Mikey is busy getting nervous about his birthday for some reason...I've pointed out it is just a day when we get to celebrate him being him! And if he doesn't want any presents I will just send them back! For some reason her really didn't like that idea very much! Personally I'm jsut feeling down and useless at the moment. A total waste of space and time. Having discovered how much I love diamond painting it now hurts whenever I try to do any thanks to my wonderful GP...I'm now thinking if I can still work through the pain and get some done, but the other side of my brain just yells that it is going to hurt and am I really that stupid? I have tried to convince Mikey to get outside on his scooter, I was going to go with him but he is really not into the idea in the slightest. He seems happier ensconced in his bedroom with the curtains tightly closed. Must make sure he do