Lockdown 2020 and on

Today is not going well. After all the emotion of yesterday I now feel drained and empty; plus my head is driving me up the wall as it is thinking far too much about Monday and panic is really setting in.  I've not managed to eat anything yet today, but drinks are appearing to drain themselves!! Either that or I am now a walking thirsty drain...nothing is sating my thirst right now but there is still a bottle of prosecco in the fridge that might help...! My test results from my bloods are filtering through slowly...My Potassium and Sodium have both gone up, as has my creatinin - but not as high as they were at Christmas which is reassuring to me at least! My eGFR has dropped another point but I'm still higher than I was when Dr Klebe was happy I was stable so all in all I am happy with how I'm doing. At least I'm still a way off having to have my fistula created. The longer |I can stay out of Canterbury Hospital the better!! That place still terrifies me and the more ti...

Another quiet day that started late after Andy snored well all night! Today was the 75th anniversary of VE day and has lead to a decidedly over emotional me (I'm blaming lack of sleep!) And the BBCs obsession with using I vow to thee, my country as music for the News, The One Show and anything they could match it to.  This piece of music always made Dsd cry, and he seems to have passed the emotion to me. It did lead to a slight discussion about hymns for our wedding. The choice was not left to Andy and I and s request was made for Alk things Bright and Beautiful...I hate it with a passion so it was a resounding no unless I could have John Rutters version which only 4 people plus the organist would know! The 2and request was also met with a massive no. I didn't want my Dad in tears at my wedding and storming out. That did not get received well and no more requests were made thankfully! I'm likely to get more emotional over the weekend as Monday looms. I am not sure if it is ...

Been an odd day really...poor Andy hit the same wall as Mikry and I did at the weekend. It is safe to day we are all totally fed up with being stuck in this particular small house. There is no way to get your own space or little bit of me time... It doesnt take much to push any of us over the edge. I am trying hard to avoid it but it is getting considerably more difficult as each day passes. I really hope there is something to cheer us all up on Sunday!! I know I'm not going to be in a good mood as I'm not allowed to eat after 1pm until I've got through Monday...

Feeling very proud of myself today...I drove Mikey and me to the hospital for some blood tests for the Renal and Anaemia teams. Getting there was pretty easy, a few families around with Mikey commenting on every single group he saw! He did bet worried about the For Sale sign near the park, but calmed down when I said it was most probably for a house down the road, not the park itself!! Parking at the Hospital was easy, except for getting ropund a large transit type van which vas abandoned, sticking out near the the test tents, but I coped...(which has added to my pride in myself!! We walked straight in to the blood testing area, the chairs were well spread out but it was empty! The ticket board showed 32 and the ticket I collected was 33! Once the Vampires realised they had a victim I was called in and Mikey investigated the water dispenser and, once the nurse convinced him he was safer outside parked himself on a chair to wait! For once me veins behaves and 2 vials were quickly filled...

I managed to get some sleep last night!!!! Massive achievement, but I'm still feeling exhausted and I know I'm drained as my fingernails are breaking at every opportunity they come across! I've decided that all I'm thinking about for the immediate future is that I will get a break on Monday when they knock me out!! I'm ignoring the reason for being knocked out...I'll worry about that if and when I have to. Mikey has had a relatively good day...not muck (any) school work done, but I am trying not to add that worry to everything else as I'm not sure I can cope with any more. Poor Andy got snapped at earlier as I couldn't even shut the fridge and he wanted the shopping moved so he could sort it out. I'm honestly getting to the stage when I really can't cope with anything not going the way I feel it should, If it doesn't I will either snap or cry... Or on particuarlly bad days both. I got a call from Ashford Borough Council this afternoon to chec...

I think my main thoughts from this weekend are that at least 2 of us reached the end of tethers for being shut in home (and yes, I know it is for our safety and to protect the NHS etc...) as the thoughts of a 9 year old boy do not seem able to look long term or at any bigger picture. I really don't blame him for being fed up, but I started the weekend feeling exhausted and trying to keep him up beat and convinced he can do this has drained me totally.  Then once I went to bed last night Andy started snoring. I was very close to smothering him once I discovered that trying to sleep with my head between 2 pillows; breathing was exceedingly difficult due to the pillow and me being too low. I quickly decamped to downstairs  (with the assistance and company of Misty, I settled on the sofa but didn't fall asleep as I was cold. Andy came down at about 6.30, I was sociable briefly and then went back upstairs to try to get some sleep. Sleeping was a great idea in principle... But again...

Today didn't start too early. I was told to stop taking my iron tablets on Friday as all iron needs to be out of my system or it could damage the scope...?!?! Mikey has always been convince I actuallly eat iron to help my anaemia, maybe he is right! I stopped on Friday as instructed (I'm being far too well behaved at the moment) But I did notice yesterday that I was feeling more fatigued than normal; today I feel even worse and energy has totally vanished. I'm not looking forward to restarting the iron after the 11th as I can remember only too well how horrible it was when I started the first time. But at least I might actually manage to lose some weight for once!  Poor Mikey is really suffering with all the lockdown etc  He really wants to be back with others his age rather than his aged parents, he understands that this virus is horrific and all this is for his safety, but he is just fed up with the restrictions, especially when he sees other people ignoring them - and wh...