Lockdown, Day 113

Was not in a posting mood yesterday. Although having seen some news this morning my back pain and other aches seem decidedly unimportant. I've just heard a friend is on a ventilator following being brought back after her heart stopped last week

She has not been well for a while and I've never actually spoken to her, but we have chatted lots on line during the nights I haven't slept and she has always made me feel better, talking about her girls (cows) and Meagan the calf she was bringing up in the house and who escaped from wherever she was put outside to move back inside!! 

One thing I hate about this horrific disease is the way is attacks the nicest people and there is nothing much we can do to stop or slow it. It moves at its own pace. I wonder if I'm being stupid hoping it carries on moving slowly to give me time to prepare Mikey and me (and Andy) for when I have to move on to Dialysis. I know it will happen, but nobody can tell me when and I'm hearing for too many stories of people basically crashing and having to start as an emergency. If I'm honest that is my worst nightmare, but I habve started explaining to Mikey what is going to happen and I'm hoping there will be a chance to take him to see the unit that I will spend so much time in before it all starts. I don't want him to be scared by it or given any other ideas that are wrong. The main aim of my dialysis will be to cover for what my kidneys are no longer able to do and keep his Mum going. Nothing else. I just wish there was more i could do to help and support her while she is in hospital, but I'm the wrong side of the Atlantic and I know nothing about cows...I'll just have to send her love and as many healing thoughts as I can.




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