Lockdown 2020 and on

We have just been watching Rocketman and it nearly reduced me to tears from the beginning. It was when Eltons Dad kept going on about his music...it wasnt the character I saw or the young Elton...but people closer to me and it really got to me. I know I shouldnt let her get to me. I know she doesnt want me in HER family...but tough. I married Andy and I'm not going anywhere however often she tells my son I'm going to die. I intend to see him grow up without her over bearing influence. my latest finished piece...I've now moved on to a cushion cover...!!

I am really not designed to cope with hot weather...It is actually cooler today but I am still not coping and my overwhelmming urge is to just collapse and sleep for as long as I can. While I'm typing this Mikey is in his bedroom yelling at his x box at the top of his voice. Andy is sat behind me muttering angrily and I am too tired to do anything to sort if out, even though my lovely |Super Ego keeps telling me I should, my Ego is just yelling back MIGHT and I am just going to leave it up to the 2 of them to fight it out and the winner to let me know what the result is! While I try to ignore the yells of \I'm Dead and Duuuude from upstairs my headache is growing heavier and heavier. We did have a storm early this morning but the air really does not feel any clearer to me. The news from Glasgow is also worrying me as I have a horrible feeling it could spark off yet more riots as I believe on victim (or possibly the assailant) may be a person of colour ( to use the acceptible wo...

Today was counselling again. My measures have improved buti have a lot of work to do in the next 3 sessions. I have to stop thinking I can do everything and start to rely on other people for support. I am not an island and it takes a village to raise children. My problem is I've always just relied on me as I can do whatever to the level I feel is needed and I feel nobody else can.  This has been my downfall in many situations. I run myself into the ground trying to do too much and achieve totally unachievable goals. I should know better as it nearly killed me in2008  and if it had succeeded neither me nor Mikey would exist now...  But how do I know who I can trust? My main aim is always to have a support network for Andy and Mikey in the event anything untoward happens to me. But I've never ever considered that I either need or deserve a support network for me. If I cant cope I dont deserve it in my head...How do I change that? I pretty much feel that I deserve to feel is...

The rules surrounding our lockdown are starting to be relaxed a little (well from July, anyway!) But the weather is unbelievably roasting and I am totally not able to cope with the heat. I have a horrible feeling I passed out earlier, but Mikey hugged me and poked me until I woke up. My immediate reaction was not very maternal though The last few days have been really tough. I am totally exhausted and my energy levels are decidedly low. My overwhemling urge is to sleep, preferably until it gets cooler and less likely to burn me to a crisp! I'm hoping I manage to pass out again tonight so I'll be asleep before 2.30 am for once! If I'm lucky the cats will stay out again so I will not have a furry hot water bottle on my feet! At one point last night I was trying to work out if I could sleep with my feet out of the window... I think my Nephrologists letter has stirred up my GP...I was called this morning with a request to have a diabetes check. My first request for 3 years!! Th...