Lockdown 2020 and on

 • I never have enough energy  • I feel weak  • I feel tired  • It’s hard to concentrate, I feel like I have “brain fog”  • It feels like my heart is beating too fast  • Sometimes my heart skips beats  • I get short of breath  • I am having headaches  • I am not sleeping very well  • My appetite does not seem to be as good as it once was  • My hands and feet won’t stay warm  • I may feel dizzy  • I sometimes feel sad or “down in the dumps”  • It’s hard to do everyday tasks like make a sandwich or walk up stairs  The list above is how I feel all the time, mostly thanks to my kidneys failing and not producing the hormones needed to get me to produce enough red blood cells to carry iron and oxygen and keep me going. IF I am honest I have now had more than enough of this. I have no energy at all, this morning just putting the shopping away left me exhausted and dizzy. I know the heat right now doesn't help, but on Friday my hands were so icy cold I was wearing gloves when we went to pi

 I am really struggling at the moment, this heat is far too much for me and my mood is getting continuously darker and harder to cope with. Last night I got annoyed with Andy. Casualty had a story line about a Kidney patient waiting for a transplant, I said I totally understood the patients feeling of having totally no control, and that I knew how he felt. I was told not to be depressing ant I only felt like that as I am ill and that I will feel better when I have had some treatment. This put me into an even worse frame of mind as there is NO CURE for CKD and even a transplant just delays the inevitable for a while, but you will still have the disease. We have had this conversation before and he has seen how annoyed I get when someone asks when I will get better. I want a t-shirt with the definition of chronic on it.  When I went to bed my brain went into overdrive and I've worked out why I don't now who I am anymore. For the whole of this century  and for quite a wile before I