Lockdown 2020 and on

Another grey and damp day down here in the South East corner. Plus another night of broken sleep so I'm feeling even more washed out that usual... My mood has not been helped by seeing the latest definitions for the disease that is making my life such a hell. It is officially called Chronic Kidney Disease, but on the table I have seen this morning the stage I am currently at is now seen as the Disease WILL progress. Plus it is now classed as End Stage Kidney Disease. This has hit me hard as I was not aware that my future was so defined already. I guess in the back of my mind I was hoping that one day I would wake up with more energy and a pair of kidneys that are behaving themselves and working in the way they were designed to...But that is never going to happen. I have to get my head round the idea that my immediate future is full of spending 3 days a week at William Harvey in order to stay alive. That is a decidedly depressing thought and not one I can think my way out of, whatev...

Today has not started as I expected and the afternoon is certainly not what I thought. This morning was meant to be an appointment with my Nephrologist at 11, he called before 10 as I was about to wash my hair! Quick change of priorities and I worked through my list and he is sending a stronger letter to my GP to try to get my problems getting repeat prescriptions sorted! I do like him and know I can trust him. He has agreed that I can go and see my Mum today - but she has just called and told us it is pouring with rain in Walderslade and the wind has really picked up. So I'm still stuck here in Ashford and it is now raining here as well. I've provided lunch to everyone here but I can't be bothered to eat anything. I guess I'll just make dinner this afternoon... The weather has really killed my good mood. Mikey has retired to his room and his x box, Andy is moaning at his laptop and I can't get away. Diamond Painting it still a huge no as my arm/wrist are still agon...

Another night where sleep was conspicuous by it's refusal to happen!! I woke up when Andy's alarm went off - he carried on sleeping like the proverbial baby until I slapped him and he rolled over and turned it off! My Day commenced with my second session of counselling, most of todays session was filled with lots of memories which have re surfaced or re-emerged following last week. I was amazed at what I remembered and how much detail surfaced as I talked about them, but I still can't recall Dad's voice at all and that is horribly painful. What was extra good is that my teat scores have improved in comparison to the week before. It is all going in the right direction so I am a happy Heather!! That hasn't happened too much recently so I'm making the most of it for now!! I've had to stop my diamond painting for the time being...I've done something to the thumb on my right hand which results in trying to grip the pen being extremely painful. It is annoying ...

Another odd sort of day to be honest. I woke up to streaming eyes and nose thanks to the pollen; I feel that I need pollution back as it did mask the pollen which has made my life total hell for weeks more than usual this year. Mikey had his first session with Becky (from Early Help) this afternoon, at 12.45 he announced that he was getting dressed...when he staggered down at 12.58 he was still firmly in his sleep shorts... I was waiting for his usual excuse that why didn't I realise he is just being a boy, but thankfully he kept quiet! Getting him to work with Becky from a distance was quite a task, by the time we finished after 30 minutes I was shattered, he was in an odd mood to say the least and Becky was heading off to a zoom meeting - hopefully they helped her to recover! I then decided I needed lunch and once I'd eaten that I got a call from the FLO at school to see how Mikey is doing. We had a nice chat and it is really looking as though he is not going tro be back at s...

The whole world appears to be going mad - and not over Covid 19 for once, but over the death of a man called George Floyd. Any death is one death to many, but the Americans do seem to be reacting and using this death as an excuse. The riots in various US cities are causing Millions of Dollars in damage (physical and mental) whilst the mobs, which seem to have a high number of white member scream for the blood of a policeman who probably felt he was working within the orders he has been given. Personally I feel they should be yelling at the Orange Idiot they elected 4 years ago. I vaguely remember his administration having a few black faces at the start, but recently it is decidedly WASP and black faces are totally out of sight. He has also threatened to send the army in to deal with the rioters...I am unable to remember any other US President using the military to quash a public uprising in the past. Is it wrong for me to hope that the people of the United States may remember all of th...

Monday again, I'm seriously considering putting the days in the titles as most of the time I have no clue what day, date or month it is. The year is easy as 2020 I feel, is going to be never ending and is officially the year from Hell. As well as the infernal virus the hay fever season is feeling worse than it has been for years. The last time I suffered this much was back in 1989 when I was taking my A Levels. I do remember ending up with Bronchitis which was horrific when I went to the open day Royal Insurance held; but I managed to get invited back for a formal interview and finally left after 14 years and a merge with Sun Alliance and various roles which, I can honestly say, I enjoyed almost all the time!! Unfortunately I doubt jobs like those I undertook actually exist anymore. One side effect from my counselling last week, is that I've been getting flashbacks to episodes in my life I would prefer to forget. My one big hope is that I will remember Dad's voice as, for t...

Yesterday was yet another tough day for me... It started off well as I found I have managed to lose 1.5kg doing the 16:8 system... It seems to work well for me; at least once I had a stern chat with myself to convince my head I wasn't hungry and did not need a late night snack! From that positive my day just seemed to spiral downwards. I'm not sure what, if anything, caused it but I just got worse and worse as the day went on. I could blame to pollen as I've been suffering explosive sneezing and my head and nose are well and truly blocked. The joys of CKD mean that the strongest painkillers I can take are paracetamol - these do precisely nothing to relieve any pain for anything like to 4 hours you have to have between each dose. If I could take them every 30 minutes it would be better to be perfectly honest. Both of these photos make me smile, but for totally different reasons! I think Mikey was on the verge of an ice cream headache, but that has never slowed down his love ...