Lockdown 2; Out of positives

 Once more my brain has been thinking far too much. The South East has been stuck into Tier 3 so pretty much still in Lockdown, my brain has refound memories that I would much rather not remember as they all are around the bitch known as my mother in law. If I had mentioned what I have now recalled to my Dad he would have turned the car around on the way to the wedding and my history would be decidedly different.

I would not be living miserably in East Kent for a start. Right now I live in a town where all relatives just want me dead or living away from my son and husband. How can a mother expect em to abandon my son to her tender loving care when I have seen what sort of mess she has made of ruining the lives of both of her sons. I also assume it is thanks to her care that I only have one child as my husband chose not to get close eo me for years, leaving me feeling isolated and unwanted by anyone as I was so isolated in a town where I knew nobody. I can honestly say that for the last 18 years I have just existed and thet is probably why I have no clue who I really am anymore. 

All I know at the moment is I need to loose one hell of a load of weight to get onto the transplant list. Without that I stand no chance of living to any age at all or even trying to discover who I was meant to be rather than the timid scared individual who has been created while others have tried to mold me into what they want or expect. |I just wish I could tell her what I really think and how both of her sons have been trying to protect her from life at the expense of their own lives and happiness. I did write most of it down but was asked not to send it. I am now getting ot the point that I will stop Mikey going as I hate how she tries to turn him against me. I will never forgive her for telling him I was going to die one of the times \I had to go into hospital and also for ignoring my calls for help the day my Dad died. By the time I got there he didn't know I was there and had absolutely no idea what was happening as he was totally unconscious. Really not the way I wanted to remember him but thanks to her that is all I have .

I know Andy would love me to forget/let go of this but I can't. That woman has made the whole of out marriage hell as she has always been lurking in the background; frowning at aby and everything I do, nothing has ever been right, even going back to the days before we left on honeymoon she was lurking and glaring at me on a regular basis. I still have no idea what I did wrong other than dare to marry her son. I had hoped to make him happy, but apparently that is not enough. I can only assume she feels she can do a better job, somehow. But I feel that is illegal. 

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