5 years isn't long enough...

 It is 5 years ago that my Dad died. I was trying not to think about it. I was doing really well until Andy bought me some flowers and I've been close to tears all day. It has also reminded me just how much my mother in law hates me as she spent all morning ignoring increasingly frantic phone calls from me asking for help so I could get to see him. By the time I got there he was already unconscious and had no idea I was there. I can never forgive her for taking away my last chance to speak to him. I would just love to hear his voice again.

Andy has been trying to distract me with he dreaded massive number birthday. After last night it appears I am going to have to cope with it stone cold sober as wine tastes awful to me. I may try my chilled red again as I think I have a bottle or 2 left! Failing that I may be toasting my half century with a virgin cocktail... I've even started to seem to go off chocolate. Cadbury's etc need a profits warning!! I bought myself some Milka recently as a treat. Mikey and Andy have eaten more of it than me 😭

Have the mad scientists tried a brain transplant yet? I really need a new one to try to stop feeling so lonely and worthless. I've done all the CBT and know how I am meant to feel...but my brain just says no at every chance.

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