Talking

 At the moment I just need to talk to someone, but Andy has been through enough recently plus I can see he switches off when I try to tell him how I am feeling...

My daily sickness has continued and is not fading (an no Mum, telling myself I don't feel sick DOES NOT WORK) I have a constant headache, feel dizzy and my stability is best described as dodgy! On top of all that my brain appears to have left the building. Usually I can just glance at something written and grasp what it is immediately - now I can mis-read things with ease. I am already making sure I read everything at least twice to ensure I actually do understand it correctly. I'm also having real issues cooking; on Saturday I totally overcooked pasta and literally just caught it before it burned. On Sunday I couldn't even hard boil an egg. Normally I don't even have to think about how to execute both with no problems - but now...my brain just wipes short term stuff out whenever it wants to.

Tiredness is also making life tougher than it should. I  hardly slept last week and I really feel that I am dead on my feet. My head is constantly spinning which adds nicely to the constant nausea, I don't feel like eating (after all, I can't be trusted to cook!!) And I just want to sleep - but when I go to bed I can't. I spent one night having an imaginary conversation with a spider on the ceiling! Usually I would have woken Andy up to get rid of it, but he was such a good listener I couldn't. Normally when I can't sleep I try to lose myself in a book - but at the moment my good old brain is rebelling and I end up reading the same paragraph constantly and I just can't concentrate of the book.

Mikey is also insisting on having the same conversation over and over whilst watching the same John Oliver Videos...not that he ever watches a whole video, he keeps chopping and changing which makes my head spin even more. I can't complain to him as I am trying to make sure he is as calm as I can achieve. 

All I seem capable of doing is keeping Mikey calm and feeding Andy. I really want to do something special just for me...



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How Do I keep Going?

 This week I have totally reached the end of my very frayed tether. I am more exhausted than I have felt for months and I am also feeling isolated, un-needed and unwanted. |Mikey is settled at school, is doing well and making new friends and finding new interests. All I do it listen while he frantically searched for reasons for him feeling f=depressed. When he does come up with something you can guarantee that there is nothing I can do to cure or solve whatever he is worrying about. He also has new people he can talk to so I am certainly no longer needed. I've also had my latest lot of blood tests done. I can't remember my access thing for my results so I can't look at them. My memory is failing even more than usual and I hate this. I'm also in constant pain and I can't do anything that is part of my usual way of living. I really just want all this to end. I have no energy, I can't sleep and even cooking something simple leaves me feeling dead on my feet. All I
Read more

Lockdown, Day 90

Image
Definitely thinking backwards today!! 10 years ago Andy had to take me to Hospital for monitoring as I couldn't feel the baby moving and a friend in Scotland (who was also pregnant) told me to get checked! I spent all of the Friday afternoon on a monitor and having blood samples taken. The original plan was for me to go in on Sunday for my induction so I was sent home as they were happy my bump was doing OK and there was nothing to worry about! That was my first experience that I remember of how tired hospital tests make me so I was not in a cooking mood! Dinner ended up being KFC and a tub of Ben & Jerries as I had decided that the bump couldn't put that much weight on in 2 days!  Just as I curled up with my tub the hospital called me and told me to go back the following morning as my blood tests had shown a problem. She did tell me what it was but I honestly can't recall what she said! The plan at that point was to do my induction as soon I arrived, so as I thought I
Read more

Worried

 We are now the day before Mikey starts at The North School....all they have done today is worry me even more that this is the wrong place for my son. I know all parents are protective - but he took so long to have and I really do not trust them to look after him properly. We have been provided a timetable which states that his first lesson is PE - Yr 7 parents have been told not to send PE Kit in tomorrow.... Also, he is in group 7x3....but the timetable has him in 7x2. If they can't send the right timetable how can I trust them to look after the most valuable thing I have? The chair of Governors has also sent a letter about the school joining the Swale Academies Trust. From what I have heard about this on local news I do not want my child at a school under their control. How can I get him out of there? Since I started writing this |I have e-mailed the Head asking why everything is so disorganised the day before they start and have said it will not help kids with autism as everyth
Read more