Depression

 I'm  having a horrible dip at the moment. I'm  feeling more worthless than ever and everything just seems to reinforce my complete lack of importance at the moment. I'm not convinced anyone would miss me if I just vanished. I actually know some people would celebrate.

Poor Rory is still in pain. I wish I could give him something to help - does alcohol numb pain for animals?? I wish I still liked it so I could try to numb my emotions and forget what I am feeling right now. I might even be able to enjoy some part of my existence. Right now I hate it and just wish it would end or move me anywhere else; hopefully bringing in people who might value me in some way.

Mikey and I have not got on well today. I am nagging too much about getting his homework done. All I can think he is going to have one hell of a shock in September when he won't be given weeks to get 3 pieces of work done.

He has also spent today in nothing more than a pair of pants, however many times I ask him to get dressed. As I said I am only here to be ignored. My self confidence and self esteem are being battered even more than usual. 😭

It is also coming up to 5 years since Dad's funeral and all I want to do is talk to him about everything I cant get out of my head before I go even more insane. Maybe I should have taken his advice in the car, .. but everyone in my family seemed to be treating my wedding as a complete joke and as nothing to be taken as seriously as the Golden Childs wedding earlier. I said that I'm treated as the family joke but I doubt I'm actually that important. If I'm not around nobody gives me a thought.

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