In pain

 Andy and Mikey have gone to see his Mum. I am very much persona non grata and it is hard to put into words how much this constantly causes me a tremendous amount of pain. I have never been welcomed into her family. I can only assume I am seem as some kind of threat to her. Before we got married she screamed at Andy that he spent too much time with me. At that point I should have started work on convincing him to move away from Ashford. But me being me I just agreed to move over here, away from everyone and everything I knew. 

Once we were married we were never left alone to do what we wanted. One weekend my parents came over for lunch and she also arrived and totally ignored them. I am unable to be that rude to anyone. But in one of my therapy sessions I talked about this and my therapist said she was a complete narcissist and as she has already made her mind up about me being a threat to her world she can never change. As Andy is fed up talking to me about how she makes me feel I am never going to get this out of my head or life.

I just wish someone would actually tell her how miserable she has made both our marriage and life. It has been made painfully clear that I am not part of the family - all she wants is Mikey but I am going to do my best to keep him out of her claws and sphere of influence. If anything happens to both Andy and I Mikey will go to my sister who will ensure she never sees him.

I do feel sorry for her for living such a blinkered unfulfilled life, but she will never accept anyones thoughts or opinions and I am totally unable to live like that. I have no idea how much time I have left so I intend to spend as much time as I can with Mikey and Andy making good memories for them to talk about after I am dead. She certainly will never say anything nice about me. She is the one who told Mikey I was going to die because I was in hospital. She was also the only person I could think of to call when my Dad was dieing to look after Mikey. But she chose to ignore my increasingly panicked calls until Andy called her. Mikey was ill in his room so was no trouble at all.


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