Home Schooling

 Yet again it has been proved to me that I was not cut out to be a teacher. So far no work has been set by school so I decided that it was a good chance to start on the infamous homework trail. Unfortunately Mikey does not agree with my decision and has retired to his bedroom! We are not helped by the fact he is not meant to get close to me at all and Andy is still working from home so is busy! (Although at the moment he is sorting out my printing issues!!) 

I have also have an interview with a research student today about how CKD patients have felt during the pandemic. It was actually nice that someone was aware that we have been affected due to out health - both physical and mental, I just hope I can read her paper once she has finished and handed it in!

My knitting project is currently on hold as I can cast on but then seem to hit a complete block and end up destroying what I'm doing!! I'm hoping a break my reset my brain and let me carry on with my square production - although so far they are all different sizes as I seem to be very good at adding stitches as I go! Better than my crochet attempt where I just lost stitches as often as was humanly possible! Knitting rows should be easier than I appear to make it, and I need more wool! I have decided to make them in blues and purples as I think they will be relaxing as well as my favourite colours!

My fatigue at the moment is impacting me harder than normal; I am getting to sleep with my sleep mask and music playing, but I'm still feeling as exhausted when I wake as when I went to bed. This lack of energy drags me down mentally as all I really want to do is sleep all day, but I don't want to do that as I prefer sleeping whilst Andy snores! My dream is to wake up one morning and actually feel like getting up and not rolling over and going back to sleep...but all my body want to do is preserve the little energy I have so I don't waste any of it. Basically I don't live; I just exist between sleeping sessions and at other times I don't sleep and spend the night wide awake; all this does is result in even less energy and me not coping for a complete day. And while all this is going on I still look perfectly normal for me. I don't look ill at all, I just look pale and normal - like every other 'normal' person on the planet. But inside I'm in pain and close to just collapsing in a heap at any moment. If I want to do anything I have to weigh up the effect it will have me against the actual need to do whatever. Even picking Mikey up from school yesterday was a challenge, but I was allowed to exit the way I went in as there was no way I could cope with the exit route we were supposed to use. Thankfully Miss Talbot knows about how I feel and gave me dispensation to disobey! Always good when the headteacher lets you misbehave!!




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lockdown, Day 73

Image
The whole world appears to be going mad - and not over Covid 19 for once, but over the death of a man called George Floyd. Any death is one death to many, but the Americans do seem to be reacting and using this death as an excuse. The riots in various US cities are causing Millions of Dollars in damage (physical and mental) whilst the mobs, which seem to have a high number of white member scream for the blood of a policeman who probably felt he was working within the orders he has been given. Personally I feel they should be yelling at the Orange Idiot they elected 4 years ago. I vaguely remember his administration having a few black faces at the start, but recently it is decidedly WASP and black faces are totally out of sight. He has also threatened to send the army in to deal with the rioters...I am unable to remember any other US President using the military to quash a public uprising in the past. Is it wrong for me to hope that the people of the United States may remember all of th...
Read more

How Do I keep Going?

 This week I have totally reached the end of my very frayed tether. I am more exhausted than I have felt for months and I am also feeling isolated, un-needed and unwanted. |Mikey is settled at school, is doing well and making new friends and finding new interests. All I do it listen while he frantically searched for reasons for him feeling f=depressed. When he does come up with something you can guarantee that there is nothing I can do to cure or solve whatever he is worrying about. He also has new people he can talk to so I am certainly no longer needed. I've also had my latest lot of blood tests done. I can't remember my access thing for my results so I can't look at them. My memory is failing even more than usual and I hate this. I'm also in constant pain and I can't do anything that is part of my usual way of living. I really just want all this to end. I have no energy, I can't sleep and even cooking something simple leaves me feeling dead on my feet. All I ...
Read more

When will all this end?

The UK appears to be in total meltdown abd I have had enough. Petrol is now been panic bought - at least it makes a change from toilet roll.  Mikey's school start was delayed until 10am this morning as Hythe Road was at a standstill = he missed PE but was playing benchball instead - but the advantage was he didn't have to get changed! By the end of today Stagecoach were not even trying to get near school - thankfully Andy got close and picked him up = the thought of Mikey finding the station and getting on the right bus is terrifying! He could have ended up anywhere!! While the general population are acting line brain dead zombies I am trying not to move too much as the infamous calcified blood clot (which doesn't cause any pain...) is absolutely killing me. I am seriously considering having a hot water bottle tonight in an attempt to ease the pain. I chickened out of my afternoon in the woods as I wasn't sure my back would hold out. I'm really not good with pain.
Read more