Counting down...

 We are now within  a week of starting at the North School....Uniform has been obtained and just shoes and a new neutral lunch bag to be obtained...

Poor Mikey is now starting to get nervous and I am finding it really hard not to show how nervous/anxious I am as well. This is really the totally wrong place for him and I can't trust the staff to look after him for me yet. Eventually I hope I will - but so far I am yet to see anything that gives any indication of future care for him. I'm half tempted to call the school and tell that what I will do to them if anything at all happens to or hurts my son. Watching the news this evening talking about a lack of care and understanding for people with autism I am not feeling any happier or confident.

In myself I am just getting lower and lower. I feel even more worthless as every day passes and I just have nobody to talk to. I can't talk to Andy as I don't want to add to his problems, but his mother still won't speak to me, as far as I know my loving brother in law is still busy spreading lies about me to all the rest of the family. I am feeling isolated and unloved. The cats only come near me when they want feeding or want to extract blood and inflict pain. All I want at the moment is a small dog as Mikey is going back to school, Andy is going back to work and I need a live body to talk to and spend time with.

I guess what I need is affection without having to beg for it...


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