What is wrong with me?

Really having a tough few days at the moment. I can't talk to Andy as he has more than enough to cope with as he is back at work now - well working from Home with Mikey and me still getting under his feel and creating too much noise for him to concentrate.

As for me, I'm worrying about Mikey starting at the North next week as I am still sure it is the wrong place for him. He is also getting nervous and I am doing my best not to let him see how I feel. It is obviously starting to really get to me a I've had a full blown panic attack this afternoon and the pain in my chest really did feel like another heart attack. But I went upstairs and calmed myself without unloading onto Andy.

Mum has just called about a very close friend who has been rushed into Hospital in Norwich after part of her bowel burst. They have also discovered that she has cancer there as well, but have managed to remove all that they found... Her late husband is the wonderful man that Mikey is named after. the man who gave me a pedigree Chihuahua when I was 2 so that I wasn't jealous when my sister arrived. They have both been a massive part of my life and once I mastered driving I was back up in Norfolk whenever possible as I feel more at home there than anywhere else - it is probably why I had to go back there after Dad died. I have a horrible feeling that the next time I go up there will be for yet another funeral...

My summers were usually a mix of playing tennis at the farm or heading to Barnham Broom to play squash of go swimming....alternatively the farm would be full of local kids playing tennis, badminton, charging round the massive lawn or jsut lazing  on comfy chairs with drinks and chocolate digestives before demolishing a BBQ cooked by Mike. Basically summers were fun and perfect for all of us! Parents always knew where we would be and that we were perfectly safe there, Mike always made sure all the Barns were fine for us to play in, and at time he would hook up a trailer to a tractor and tours us round all the local farms - everyone knew all of us kids!






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