Mini Crisis

I am having my own, personal mini crisis at the moment.

This week Andy has been off work and we've been busy making family memories together with Mikey...But my overwhelming memory is just that I have no energy and I keep letting him down. That I send him off with Dad to do stuff when I just can't cope. I hate that i let him down so much simply because I'm too tired all the time. I hate this disease....to the outside world I look completely normal and fine, but on the inside I am falling apart and dying. 

I also have no clue where I really belong and I know I've never done anything to make anyone proud of me - Basically I'm just a waste of space and time. I didn't take up my university place, marry a high over achieving successful business man or produce a scarily intelligent child... I had a normal life but unfortunately I'm now in a place which has never felt like home and will never feel like a place I belong. As I'm really not in a position to work and support Mikey and me there is no way I can go away and let Sue have her dream of having both sons at her beck and call for the rest of her life. I have even offered to advise and help her try to come to terms with this disease - but apparently she knows how to reverse it completely so how on earth could I help at all. She still won't even speak to me...although other members of the family have clearly been told that it is I who am refusing to speak to her. I am so fed up with feeling so lonely here. I'm also worried I'm expecting too much from Andy, it seems I'm asking for more than he can give. So I assume he will soon get totally fed up with me.

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