Lockdown 2020 and on

The UK appears to be in total meltdown abd I have had enough. Petrol is now been panic bought - at least it makes a change from toilet roll.  Mikey's school start was delayed until 10am this morning as Hythe Road was at a standstill = he missed PE but was playing benchball instead - but the advantage was he didn't have to get changed! By the end of today Stagecoach were not even trying to get near school - thankfully Andy got close and picked him up = the thought of Mikey finding the station and getting on the right bus is terrifying! He could have ended up anywhere!! While the general population are acting line brain dead zombies I am trying not to move too much as the infamous calcified blood clot (which doesn't cause any pain...) is absolutely killing me. I am seriously considering having a hot water bottle tonight in an attempt to ease the pain. I chickened out of my afternoon in the woods as I wasn't sure my back would hold out. I'm really not good with pain.

Andy called an ambulance for me today as I have been having issues breathing as well as the 'normal' back pain and headache. Oh, and a few heart palpitations  thrown in for good measure with a racing normal heart... THey did warn me that A&E was crammed - but I was in a corridor outside a waiting room for 10 people with at least 20 crammed in. I was leaning on a wall and the girl next to me said I looked very grey and was I alright... Another man walked in with his girlfriend to be told the wait is at least 6 hours; he turned round and dragged her out as she wasn't dead! Most of the people had been sent by their GP- none of them had actually seen a human face to face or on a screen - it is now their get out, if in doubt sent them to A&E. After not being seen for an hour even for triage and being close to collapsing as it was just so hot with so many people in a small place I had had enough. There was no water available as they had been so busy, all the bottles had g...

 Mikey has come home today in the worst mood I have seen from him, EVER. Apparently it was a silent drive home so I followed the stomping upstairs and eventually got something out of him. After a pretty good start he HATES his school. His class keep talking when they shouldn't and all of them get told off - as Mikey is over sensitive to noise this really sets his anxiety off. He also is not impressed at being told to keep his shirt tucked in and the fact people get detention even if they are only 30 seconds late. He hasn't been late - but is doing his usual Mikey thing and worrying in advance. We have also been telling him how proud we are at the number of achievement points he has already collected; but we are just saying we are proud and don't really mean it. How am I meant to get him to believe me when I tell him how well he is doing and how proud of him I am?? Personally this has hit me hard - I was really hoping he was settling in and we were over the worst, but it app...

 I am very aware of how everyone is feeling...but I am at the end of my ever shortening tether. Over the last few weeks I have felt increasingly alone and isolated - which in a house this size is quite an achievement. I am also always telling myself I can beat and get through this, but it is pretty much impossible to believe myself now.  Mikey is growing up and will not need me as much and Andy clearly doesn't. He is much happier when I'm not around or being silent. He can then happily get on with what he wants to do or whatever App on his phone has got his attention. I'm also trying to lose weight again, but all of out scales are not working so I have no clue if I am getting anywhere at all. The one advantage I do have is that I still can't taste most food so I still have no desire at all to want to eat; I've even gone off chocolate...I'd rather have sweets than chocolate - I#m pretty much living on butter mints and sherbet lemons. My emotions are all over the ...

 At the moment I just need to talk to someone, but Andy has been through enough recently plus I can see he switches off when I try to tell him how I am feeling... My daily sickness has continued and is not fading (an no Mum, telling myself I don't feel sick DOES NOT WORK) I have a constant headache, feel dizzy and my stability is best described as dodgy! On top of all that my brain appears to have left the building. Usually I can just glance at something written and grasp what it is immediately - now I can mis-read things with ease. I am already making sure I read everything at least twice to ensure I actually do understand it correctly. I'm also having real issues cooking; on Saturday I totally overcooked pasta and literally just caught it before it burned. On Sunday I couldn't even hard boil an egg. Normally I don't even have to think about how to execute both with no problems - but now...my brain just wipes short term stuff out whenever it wants to. Tiredness is also...

 I am fast running out of any patience with my cats... Basically they are broken and not working like a proper cat should. Normal cats love boxes and are even known to sit in squares taped onto the floor. My 2??? Nothing...if there is a box they completely ignore it, no attempt to try out "If I Fit, I Sit" and not even a flicker of interest at times like Christmas when boxes are often arriving daily. Also catnip - most cats love it and roll around in extasy getting stoned of the best feline drug around - my 2; 1 sniff if you are lucky and then nothing. I am totally disappointed. Rory chases the red dot if he can be bothered - Misty has never been bothered at all. The only thing they both love are the infamous dreamies and they are happy to OD on those - but I'm cruel and ration them strictly. Today I bought they some new treats which are meant to be chewy etc. Rory has eaten 2 and Misty has licked 1. Since then I have put a couple in their biscuit bowl, they keep taking i...

 We are now the day before Mikey starts at The North School....all they have done today is worry me even more that this is the wrong place for my son. I know all parents are protective - but he took so long to have and I really do not trust them to look after him properly. We have been provided a timetable which states that his first lesson is PE - Yr 7 parents have been told not to send PE Kit in tomorrow.... Also, he is in group 7x3....but the timetable has him in 7x2. If they can't send the right timetable how can I trust them to look after the most valuable thing I have? The chair of Governors has also sent a letter about the school joining the Swale Academies Trust. From what I have heard about this on local news I do not want my child at a school under their control. How can I get him out of there? Since I started writing this |I have e-mailed the Head asking why everything is so disorganised the day before they start and have said it will not help kids with autism as everyth...