Lockdown 2; Not coping

 I have finally reached the end of my increasingly shrinking tether. I am still totally exhausted, Once I get to sleep I don't want to get up or wake up again. Andy is currently passed out on the other sofa, Mikey is doing something decidedly important up stairs and as usual I'm alone and trying to keep myself occupied. My other option is to go upstairs and go to sleep - but both cats are currently up there and would not be happy to have any company.

This is the real disadvantage of living in this area, all my family etc are in Maidstone/Medway and as I am considered Clinically Vunerable I can't go anywhere. so I assume I will now continue to be feeling alone and unwanted. I don't even have enough energy to drive anywhere. Plus my left shoulder is still really painful along with both Kidneys complaining and I just want the pain to stop, even for one day woiuld be better than anything |I have experienced this year. Chronic diseases are horrible as I look completely healthy even though I am feeling worse as time goes past. At least if I looked ill maybe people wouldn't expect so much from me. That would help me as I would stop being so hard on myself for not living up to other peoples expectations.

 Andy read a book I got Mikey last Christmas about HD and the effects on the patient. Maybe I should carry it around with me so people can try to get some idea of how I feel on a daily basis. It is so obvious that most people think we make this up. No sane person would want to only live a fraction of their potential...I have no choice.




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