Lockdown, Day 44

I managed to get some sleep last night!!!! Massive achievement, but I'm still feeling exhausted and I know I'm drained as my fingernails are breaking at every opportunity they come across!

I've decided that all I'm thinking about for the immediate future is that I will get a break on Monday when they knock me out!! I'm ignoring the reason for being knocked out...I'll worry about that if and when I have to.

Mikey has had a relatively good day...not muck (any) school work done, but I am trying not to add that worry to everything else as I'm not sure I can cope with any more. Poor Andy got snapped at earlier as I couldn't even shut the fridge and he wanted the shopping moved so he could sort it out. I'm honestly getting to the stage when I really can't cope with anything not going the way I feel it should, If it doesn't I will either snap or cry... Or on particuarlly bad days both.

I got a call from Ashford Borough Council this afternoon to check that I am coping OK and that I have an adequate support network. Maybe I should have let them talk to my support network (of 1) as he must be getting stressed now, but instead I just laughed and said I was fine and we are all coping with no problems... One day I will be honest and stop pretending I can cope with whatever I run into. I guess my years of hiding my feelings and emotions have conditioned me far more than I realised.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How Do I keep Going?

 This week I have totally reached the end of my very frayed tether. I am more exhausted than I have felt for months and I am also feeling isolated, un-needed and unwanted. |Mikey is settled at school, is doing well and making new friends and finding new interests. All I do it listen while he frantically searched for reasons for him feeling f=depressed. When he does come up with something you can guarantee that there is nothing I can do to cure or solve whatever he is worrying about. He also has new people he can talk to so I am certainly no longer needed. I've also had my latest lot of blood tests done. I can't remember my access thing for my results so I can't look at them. My memory is failing even more than usual and I hate this. I'm also in constant pain and I can't do anything that is part of my usual way of living. I really just want all this to end. I have no energy, I can't sleep and even cooking something simple leaves me feeling dead on my feet. All I
Read more

Worried

 We are now the day before Mikey starts at The North School....all they have done today is worry me even more that this is the wrong place for my son. I know all parents are protective - but he took so long to have and I really do not trust them to look after him properly. We have been provided a timetable which states that his first lesson is PE - Yr 7 parents have been told not to send PE Kit in tomorrow.... Also, he is in group 7x3....but the timetable has him in 7x2. If they can't send the right timetable how can I trust them to look after the most valuable thing I have? The chair of Governors has also sent a letter about the school joining the Swale Academies Trust. From what I have heard about this on local news I do not want my child at a school under their control. How can I get him out of there? Since I started writing this |I have e-mailed the Head asking why everything is so disorganised the day before they start and have said it will not help kids with autism as everyth
Read more

Lockdown, Day 90

Image
Definitely thinking backwards today!! 10 years ago Andy had to take me to Hospital for monitoring as I couldn't feel the baby moving and a friend in Scotland (who was also pregnant) told me to get checked! I spent all of the Friday afternoon on a monitor and having blood samples taken. The original plan was for me to go in on Sunday for my induction so I was sent home as they were happy my bump was doing OK and there was nothing to worry about! That was my first experience that I remember of how tired hospital tests make me so I was not in a cooking mood! Dinner ended up being KFC and a tub of Ben & Jerries as I had decided that the bump couldn't put that much weight on in 2 days!  Just as I curled up with my tub the hospital called me and told me to go back the following morning as my blood tests had shown a problem. She did tell me what it was but I honestly can't recall what she said! The plan at that point was to do my induction as soon I arrived, so as I thought I
Read more