Lockdown 2020 and on

 Today was tough for me, we went to look at a potential school for Mikey to move on to next year! It doesn't feel that long since we were looking at choosing a Primary School for him, how on earth can it be time to pick the location for the rest of his education up to 18? Today was Lenham school, technically a Maidstone school; which does appeal to Mum as she was a Maidstone pupil in the dim and distant past! Mikey was initially not impressed with how long it took to get there! He is used to his school just being across the road, but as I have jsut discussed with Andy, he is growing up fast and I'm sure he will adjust quickly! I guess we will need to get him a phone next summer as well...or at least one that can be used!! The weather was not exactly school tour friendly! But hopefully we didn't resemble drowned rats too closely! I have found I have automatic windscreen wipers - NB don't press the stalk down as that turns it on and off rather than just doing a quick swip...

This has been a decidedly tough weekend... I was still totally shattered from Thursday and the weather was still a mix of far to hot and equally humid. I have also been fighting my personal black dog with some disappointing results.  I know my family would just tell me to snap out of it and tell myself I am not depressed....if only it was as simple as that. To be honest I am terrified about sorting Mikey's next school out. The sheer size of the schools in Ashford scares me, plus the behaviour I have seen from many year 7 and 8's also make me far too worried about Mikey's future. In my mind he either gets chewed up and spat out or dragged into being a bully as he is pretty much taller than most of his age, although his lockdown stroppy Mum has managed to reduce his weight! Personally I have really got fed up with this disease, I am so tired it is horrible; but sleeping is still a challenge - especially during our mini heatwave!! I also now appear to have developed a constant...

 I am still trying to recover from Thursday...I hate what this disease has done to me, even sitting in the car driving has worn me out - it just makes me feel so stupid. How can sitting in a car be so exhausting? My back is still in constant pain and I am close to tears at all times. Basically I am an emotional mess. I am trying to keep up with everything, but Mikey is far more interested in his X Box than me - Mum is just too much work. Andy also has new interests that do not involve me. I guess this is what I have ahead of me; they will move on and not need me at all. A friend asked recently if any other women had been affected by the fitting of PD ports or fistulas. I have not yet had mine done but I am already dreading that it will make me feel even more broken. IN order to stay alive my body will need to be altered/defaced. Will I still be me?

After our first family lunch out earlier this week, we decided to go for a Family trip to Wingham - one of Mums choices as I have been watching the videos from Wingham during lockdown and really wanted to go back in person! (Plus they now have a couple of giraffes - one of my favourites!! My first challenge was driving there using the sat nav in the car! OK, the first challenge was working out how to program it without bothering to read the instructions!! The first route we programmed had to be changed due to  a road closure, but I actually enjoyed driving and am sort of angry with myself for now having an automatic before! I also found that the car has a 6 speed gear box! I got into 5th easily - but it kept going!! I think my excitement woke Andy up!! Timing wise we arrived a little early, but once we'd masked up and walked from where I'd abandoned the car, we were in on time and ready for a comfort stop to start with!  The first animal was a peacock heading for a picnic area...

To be honest, freedom is really feeling like Hell at the moment as the temperature is crazy for England in the Summer! I am really not designed for temperatures of 30c and above!! Sleep last night was best described as challenging. My sleep mask with it's speakers is wonderful, but just too warm in this weather!! I'm convinced my eyes sweat in it!! What would be nice would be a severe temperature drop as it gets dark, then I will get some sleep and might even have some energy tomorrow!! The plan at the moment is to head to Wingham later this week to work on those family memories I need and crave so much. So camera batteries will need to be charged up in advance!! I am looking forward to just having some family time that is as normal as we can manage in these strange times we exist in now. We have not made any other plans so far...I guess we are just aiming for spontanaity! This will be something new for Andy any way!! If this heat is going  to continue I just pray it involves a...

The weather can best be described as a tad warm!! Andy is currently melting on the other side of the living room. Mikey is upstairs attempting to put some clothes on whilst playing with his x box and I am feeling sorry for myself as my back is still agony and any movement just intensifies the pain. Over the last few nights sleep has been challenmging and as a result my brain has been in overdrive. Unfortunaltely the main occupation has been remembering all the ways the bitch known as my mother in law has shown that she detests me over many years. I have no idea what i did to deserve her hatred, I only wish I did as hopefully I enjoyed it! I should have realised what a problem she would be as far back as my hen night. At Andy's request she was invited and a friend agreed to pick her up as it was over in Maidstone (I was living there...) all she had to do was phone the friend to arrange a time. She couldn't be bothered to make one phone call or even tell me she wasn't coming....

An exciting day!! I got a call quite early this morning when I was waiting for the GP to call me from the dealership to tell me that my cat was ready for me to pick up! So a quick COV done with Hastings and I dragged Mikey off at 1.30 to collect it....driving home was easier than I expected, although I did keep trying to move the gear stick! But I was wonderfully amazed by how smooth the drive was. I test drove an automatic several years ago and hated it; the car seemed to jerk whenever it changed gear, this I only noticed when the gear number changed on the screen! The biggest issue was working out how to move the gear stick! Once I'm used to it I need to test what the sport mode is like!! Mikey and I got it started with no problems, and once I worked out how to move it into D from N driving was lovely! Even with the sniff monster sniffing loudly from the back! I'm currently watching a documentary about Covid, Andy came home to find me crying . I know it is silly, but I still ...