Lockdown, Day 56

My insomnia appears to be loving me at the moment and really has no desire to leave me peace. I know how tired I am but it just seems to want to see just how far it can push me before I crack completely. I am fed up talking to my GP about this as they just tell me to relax and try to get my sleep pattern under control... If I could do that would I be in there asking for help??? And they wonder why I get stressed...

We got a hand book for families with Autistic Children today from KCC...I'm sure it will be helpful but an assessment would be more helpful rather than the length of the waiting list we are currently on which will not get any shorter in the current circumstances. To be honest I wish my Dad was still here as I'm sure he would know someone who could help us. I just miss having him to talk to at the end of a phone. I thought it would have started to ease by now, but if anything I'm missing him even more. I know he didn't go by choice, but I don't believe he had finished and I certainly wasn't anywhere near ready. When I had my first big breakdown he was fantastic, he listened to me and talked to me as a person. He helped me cope with it and I got beck to work much quicker than I ever thought I could do.

I an still totally over emotional and I'm finding harder and harder to deal with. I'm not actually depressed, just constantly on the verge of bursting into tears for no reason that I can identify. When added to my state of exhaustion I I am running on a tank that is totally dry, drained, unresponsive. I've just reached the end of my tether trying to deal with this, Mikey and be a happy wife for Andy. The idea of an isolated island where I can just be me eather than the Heather everyone thinks I should be is very appealing. In fact id doesn't have to be an island, I just want to be |away form people and their expectations.

|For todays photo I'm slightly baffled... Most things |I love will reduce me to a blubbering wreck and result in Ashford getting a flood warning...
I opted for Neville's battle Cardigan from the last HP Film. Andy took me to the Studios for my Birthday in 2015 (I think) I loved the books, the films and the tour and I really want to go back with Mikey. At the time we went he was far too young and would have made both of us miserable! That was the last time we had a night away together, thanks to Dad! Operation Stack was happening so Mikey stayed with Nanny and Grandad while we had 48 hours away!! Mikey loved it as he went to a Lego exhibition in Maidstone and convinced Grandad that he needed yet more Lego, thankfully Mikey and Grandad had built it before we picked him up!

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