Lockdown, Day 54 (or maybe 256843)

Unfortunately I had time to think yesterday....It hit me decidedly hard that I have now survived 2 cancer scares... On top of my heart and kidney problems I am now officially terrified. As Andy was in a snoring mood last night I moved downstairs and had far too much rime to think as I should have definitely bought longer sofas! Me + a cat is too much for one sofa! But I happily got stuck into some very old episodes of CSI (Miami and original) and then switched to Netflix and Funny Girl! But I even managed to decide that 4am is a little early for singing show tunes...

Andy appeared at about 4.45 and I was told to go back to bed...I was more than happy to do that but my brain was still whizzing around thinking far too much! My delivery of folic acid yesterday has been cleared up! My GP (nameless) appears to have reacted to my blood tests from last week where my folate levels look a little low... for a so called normal person they are, but for me they are perfectly normal. So I am now taking folic acid again while they try to push them up, I have also been given a list of food I should eat to help... If they had bothered to even look at my records they would see that pretty much every food they have told me to eat is banned because of either my kidney problems or my diabetes... If they had bothered dto pick up a phone and speak to me rather than just reacting I could have saved them a whole load of time and effort as I am actually monitored every 3 months by the anaemia team in the Renal Unit at Canterbury hospital...I'm sure they know more about all of this than a lowly locum GP... But then again I don't have the brain power to understand my blood results, so maybe not!

There is a whole load of fuss about the Governments decision to return Primary pupils from 1st June. I am waiting to see what the school plan to do before I worry about anything too much! From the |Government advice published after the Sunday announcement, Mikey ahould not go back as I am meant to be shielding until Mid July. But I am also very aware that personally he needs to be back in the school environement as I am not a teacher and he needs a professional who knows how to handle him... Plus he needs to go cold turkey on jis X Box addiction!!! And, if I am truly honest, I need some time to just me. I am really not used to being with people every day, all day. It has been nice to have company for once, but I guess I need a little variety!!! When you are only allowed out as far as your garden things get boring and monotonous very quickly. 

I remember I was really happy at this point...Mikey had arrived safely and we had been released from Hospital and were starting to get to know each other. It wasn't long after this that everything started to totally fall apart. Andy and I both lost our fathers, my health declined (physically and mentally) and one person I thought might understand how I was feeling began to make my life a living hell; and still is whilst trying to exert an unacceptable influence over my little boy. I am determined to stay around until he is big enough and able to stand up for himself and see her for her true persona. I am even considering adding a codicile to my will to ensure my wishes are clear just in case I am not able to stay around...I'm his Mum so I will do everything I can to protect him. Partly the reason I'm still working on ensureing he ahs a support network he can rely on and that won't just use him for their own ends.

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