Lockdown, Day 63

Tough day today, it was 4 years ago that my Dad died and I'm still not used to the feelings of loss which are overwhelming me more and more often at the moment. I'm exhaausted and drained and totally unable to drag any energy up from anywhere. My throat is sore and the glands on one side of my neck are swollen and painful. I really need a break from all of this mess that China have kindly created for the planet.

I'm also starting to prepare for my appointment with my Nephrologist but thinking about the tings I need to talk to him about drag my mood down again and just give me more to think about and also worry about. It really hurt earlier when the storm hit as I was trying to calm Mikey down to stop the panic which someone has convinced him he has, in our house it is Grandad 10 pin bowling with the angels...and trying to explain to Mikey why Thunder and Lightening makes me cry just added to it and I couldn't do it.

It has been a long day today and I just want to sleep...but first I have to survive getting Mikey to go to sleep and the way he tries to beat me up...I love him dearly but I just don't have enough energy to cope with him, he deserves a Mum who can keep up with him and the way he wants to live...Andy should trade me in for a working model which would please certain people no end to see me totally out of his life. 

Mikey meeting his Grandad at a day old, before it all went wrong and he was moved into Special Care. I'd imagine Dad was busy trying to teach him to say articulated lorry....he tried it with both of his Grandsons and Mikeys first word was a definite NO, and it is still pretty much his favoutite word to use!

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