Lockdown 3; Day 14

I am starting to feel that the last 2 weeks have been the longest in my life. I am feeling unbelievably yucky and I don't seem able to talk to anyone and just get annoyed far too quickly and easily. 

This morning I had intended to wash my hair, but the actual doing felt fat too much and the idea of just shaving it all off was very appealing. Although it would give me a new thing to moan about  as I'd probably end up with a very cold head and ears!

Tomorrow I have the pleasure of the stone clinic via phone. Thanks to the letter from Urology that I got yesterday I now know that I have cysts on my kidneys. I'm hoping that is what is causiing the pain I am experiencing as it is not going away and  I am really at the end of what I can deal with. All the time my symptoms were not painful I could deal with them quite easily, but now; these pains are making me even more down and getting back up is just getting harder and harder.

I feel that I have no real reason to carry on and nothing to aim for. Every time Lockdown gets lifted the general population  goes crazy and all this chaos simply starts again. In the last year I have been to 2 castles and my Mums on a couple of occassions. As a family we have been to a Burger place twice and that is it. No celebrations of Easter, Anniversaries, Birthdays or anything. The only places I have visited more than once are William Harvey Hospital and Kent and Canterbury Hospital. WHH is also the only place I have stayed in other than home... Who would want my life?

The thought of having yet another this wrong with me is not helping my mind. I'm busy trying to work out what I have done wrong this time. It is bound to be my fault. Stupidly I Googled this yesterday and the main word that kept leaping out was Cancer. With my family history I am only too aware that it is very likely, but Mikey is only 10. I am not ready to have to fight Cancer as well as CKD yet (To be honest I'm not sure any time would be a better time) and as usual my mind is leaping ahead to try to work out the worst possible scenario. 



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