Lockdown 3; Day 24

Today seems even tougher. I am completely over emotional and really close to tears all the time...plus to say I'm feeling paranoid is an understatement. I am terrified that anything I say will annoy or upset someone. Who the someone may be is unknown, but I know I will do it.

Mikey is still being very challenging and is totally uninterested in doing anything for school. This is not helping my mental state as I just can't understand why... In the past I have objected to being told what to do unless I was given a reason why - so my bright idea this week was to explain why doing this work is important. That was met with stony silence and he was not even the slightest bit impressed. I now feel complete sorrow for his teachers as he is a nightmare, albeit a quiet one compared to many in his class.

Physically I'm still feeling constantly sick (Mikey's description of the ginger I'm drinking to try and settle my stomach is NOT helping...) and I am still getting regular pain on the right side in the area of my Kidney. Usually once I get that bit warm and comfortable the left side starts up. And yet again I am only allowed paracetamol.  Part of me wishes I still liked wine so I could work through some of my wine lake...but I don't want to start downing a bottle a night on my own just to knock myself out! I have a feeling that would come back to bite me!

My relationship with food is not improving, my weight appears to have plateaued but I have managed to stop myself from throwing up after eating. But I just can't taste food like I used to. This means cooking is no longer fun and eating is not enjoyable at all. Everything tastes the same and I might as well eat cardboard as I'm sure that is probably more tasty than anything I've stuffed in my mouth this week - and the past few weeks/months. I've tried adding strong flavours, but I can't taste them and it is not fair on Andy if I make them stronger.

All I want is to have the energy to go somewhere for a walk in sunshine...But all we have had recently is rain. There is a large chance that Mikey will get thrown out in it just to use up some of his energy and hopefully make him sleep at a sensible time and not be watching TV to 2.30am. (and also not stripping his bed just as I want him to go to sleep - I had to remake it twice last night.



 

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