Lockdown, Day 99

Today is not good, for many reasons that I am finding increasingly hard to deal with.

1. Mikey. I love him to bits, but as he gets older his autism is getting more marked and harder for me to cope with. I think Andy finds it even more difficult and is holding his feelings inside to avoid upsetting or scaring Mikey. I don't know how to help either of them which is not helping them or me. The whole thing feels like a bomb with a countdown we can't see so it will explode when it wants with no warning.

2. Andy. The poor man is on call this week and seems to be inundated with desktop issues that he wouldn't usually deal with  - and as normal the desktop team are not being helpful, So he is stressed and I@m picking up on it and; yet again, feeling useless as I can't do anything to help. Even letting him talk to me hardly helps as I don't understand what he is talking about.

3. Kidneys. I am completely drained, exhausted and in pain. Both kidneys feel as though someone is stabbing them and all I really want to do is curl up and cry. I am also paying the price for the hot weather as I'm holding fluid, even while taking duiretics, as I've put on 2 kg in the last 24 hours and I certainly haven't eaten that much. And as usual my head is solving the problem by totally killing my desire to eat anything. A short term solution that will be undone if I start eating again.

4. Schoolwork. I have been smashing my head against the wall known as Mikey for weeks. He will occasionally do the mathletics, but writing is a massive no. Any written work has been typed as he dictates. I really should insist on him doing it himself, but I don't think I have long enough left to live as typing 1 line can take half an hour and then it still has to be corrected for spellings thanks to phonics. He carefully spells the word as he sounds it out and it is way off. Whoever invented phonics needs to be slapped into another millenium! I am trying to stay calm about the amount of work he has not done, but it is really getting to me  and I know Andy is also worried. But then I also know how tough all of this has been in Mikey and my main aim has just been to get him through all of this.

The one good thing I have heard is that there may be a 7th series of Downton in the works!! Julian Fellowes has been using his time on Lockdown usefully so far as I am concerned! I did enjoy Belgravia, but it didn't grab me in the way Downton did! I couldn't get emotional about the characters in London as I did about those in Yorkshire/London and the rest of England!! I enjoyed the movie, but another series is better than another film in my world!! 
                                                                I need this soon!!!

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