Lockdown, Day 100

I am getting better and better at making really bad decisions.

Today didn't start off too bad as I had an appointment at my GP for a diabetes check. I arrived to find the surgery looking decidedly unwelcoming and totally shuttered....this did not bode well but soon a man waiting by the staff door was ushered inside so I went to lurk... A nurse called my name shortly after and refused to let an older lady in who didn't have an appointment at 10.20! And once I was masked and alchohol gel washed I was whisked through the waiting hall to a consultation room and then whisked out to make sure I couldn't wander anywhere else!  The older lady was still lurking and apparently her appointment wasn't until after 11 but she liked sitting in the waiting room chatting! At the moment it looks more like a dance studio to be honest...

Stupidly I called my Mum after lunch to try to explain to her how I was feeling. I really should have known better as I got zero sympathy or empathy. I need to find a way to convince myself I don't feel so drained and tired....bnasically suck it up and get on with doing what everyine else thinks you should. But when my sister feels rough she is allowed to stay in bed and die. My illness is still something I can thing around and beat that way. I wish I could find the current death rate for CKD patients . I even took her with me when I was first prescribed EPO to try to prove I'm not making it up. She sat and watched me inject myself with no comments at all and to me that needle was way bigger than the insulin needle size I use every night. I guess I should stop talking about it to her - but then I'll be accused of never telling her anything and keeping her in the dark.I have no doubt that how I'm feeling will now be discussed with a Dr who has never seen me as a patient and has no access to my current blood results but it will result in me being told what I'm doing wrong yet again. 

I am currently Stage 4 with severe anaemia plus type II diabetes, But is is all in my head and really I am fine. Sorry, but I'm not and can't think myself better.

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