Lockdown, Day 110

If I am honest, I am struggling again. My Birthday has been and gone - I really enjoyed my day and evening, but now I'm feeling totally empty as the days ahead are looming, completely empty with nothing to look forward to.

There are a couple of things Mikey and I have chatted about that we want to do over the summer, One is Wingham Wildlife Park after I watched all the live walks around the park during Lockdown, and another is a trip to London. The wildlife park feels very doable as it is all sorted for social distancing etc with controlled, timed entrances that have to be pre booked. But London scares me at the best of times, and having seen the pictures of last weekend with a total lack of social distancing happening it isn't making me feel any better or happier about going. Plus I know how exhausted I am all the time and that wonderful nagging voice on my shoulder tells me that I would make his trip miserable for him.

Other than those 2 we really don't have any other ideas - although he has now seen a trailer for the new Scooby Doo Movie...I guess I could sleep through it!! Andy and I were also talking yesterday about doing something for his birthday, a Nerf fight at home and a BBQ as we seem to have enough guns to arm most of Ashford!!!And I'm sure most 10 year old boys would be happy with Burgers and sausages!! I could try to get them to eat salad but I guess that is a daft idea!!! Mikey is just more concerned about having enough ketchup!! (reminder to make sure it is reduced salt and sugar!!!) And big bowls of crisps to munch through...no doubt he will hae set ideas about which kinds he wants!

 I just want a comfortable garden chair, my water feature and my fire pit, a warm evening and sitting outside relaxing

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How Do I keep Going?

 This week I have totally reached the end of my very frayed tether. I am more exhausted than I have felt for months and I am also feeling isolated, un-needed and unwanted. |Mikey is settled at school, is doing well and making new friends and finding new interests. All I do it listen while he frantically searched for reasons for him feeling f=depressed. When he does come up with something you can guarantee that there is nothing I can do to cure or solve whatever he is worrying about. He also has new people he can talk to so I am certainly no longer needed. I've also had my latest lot of blood tests done. I can't remember my access thing for my results so I can't look at them. My memory is failing even more than usual and I hate this. I'm also in constant pain and I can't do anything that is part of my usual way of living. I really just want all this to end. I have no energy, I can't sleep and even cooking something simple leaves me feeling dead on my feet. All I
Read more

Worried

 We are now the day before Mikey starts at The North School....all they have done today is worry me even more that this is the wrong place for my son. I know all parents are protective - but he took so long to have and I really do not trust them to look after him properly. We have been provided a timetable which states that his first lesson is PE - Yr 7 parents have been told not to send PE Kit in tomorrow.... Also, he is in group 7x3....but the timetable has him in 7x2. If they can't send the right timetable how can I trust them to look after the most valuable thing I have? The chair of Governors has also sent a letter about the school joining the Swale Academies Trust. From what I have heard about this on local news I do not want my child at a school under their control. How can I get him out of there? Since I started writing this |I have e-mailed the Head asking why everything is so disorganised the day before they start and have said it will not help kids with autism as everyth
Read more

Lockdown, Day 90

Image
Definitely thinking backwards today!! 10 years ago Andy had to take me to Hospital for monitoring as I couldn't feel the baby moving and a friend in Scotland (who was also pregnant) told me to get checked! I spent all of the Friday afternoon on a monitor and having blood samples taken. The original plan was for me to go in on Sunday for my induction so I was sent home as they were happy my bump was doing OK and there was nothing to worry about! That was my first experience that I remember of how tired hospital tests make me so I was not in a cooking mood! Dinner ended up being KFC and a tub of Ben & Jerries as I had decided that the bump couldn't put that much weight on in 2 days!  Just as I curled up with my tub the hospital called me and told me to go back the following morning as my blood tests had shown a problem. She did tell me what it was but I honestly can't recall what she said! The plan at that point was to do my induction as soon I arrived, so as I thought I
Read more