Lockdown, Day 110

If I am honest, I am struggling again. My Birthday has been and gone - I really enjoyed my day and evening, but now I'm feeling totally empty as the days ahead are looming, completely empty with nothing to look forward to.

There are a couple of things Mikey and I have chatted about that we want to do over the summer, One is Wingham Wildlife Park after I watched all the live walks around the park during Lockdown, and another is a trip to London. The wildlife park feels very doable as it is all sorted for social distancing etc with controlled, timed entrances that have to be pre booked. But London scares me at the best of times, and having seen the pictures of last weekend with a total lack of social distancing happening it isn't making me feel any better or happier about going. Plus I know how exhausted I am all the time and that wonderful nagging voice on my shoulder tells me that I would make his trip miserable for him.

Other than those 2 we really don't have any other ideas - although he has now seen a trailer for the new Scooby Doo Movie...I guess I could sleep through it!! Andy and I were also talking yesterday about doing something for his birthday, a Nerf fight at home and a BBQ as we seem to have enough guns to arm most of Ashford!!!And I'm sure most 10 year old boys would be happy with Burgers and sausages!! I could try to get them to eat salad but I guess that is a daft idea!!! Mikey is just more concerned about having enough ketchup!! (reminder to make sure it is reduced salt and sugar!!!) And big bowls of crisps to munch through...no doubt he will hae set ideas about which kinds he wants!

 I just want a comfortable garden chair, my water feature and my fire pit, a warm evening and sitting outside relaxing

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lockdown, Day 73

Image
The whole world appears to be going mad - and not over Covid 19 for once, but over the death of a man called George Floyd. Any death is one death to many, but the Americans do seem to be reacting and using this death as an excuse. The riots in various US cities are causing Millions of Dollars in damage (physical and mental) whilst the mobs, which seem to have a high number of white member scream for the blood of a policeman who probably felt he was working within the orders he has been given. Personally I feel they should be yelling at the Orange Idiot they elected 4 years ago. I vaguely remember his administration having a few black faces at the start, but recently it is decidedly WASP and black faces are totally out of sight. He has also threatened to send the army in to deal with the rioters...I am unable to remember any other US President using the military to quash a public uprising in the past. Is it wrong for me to hope that the people of the United States may remember all of th...
Read more

How Do I keep Going?

 This week I have totally reached the end of my very frayed tether. I am more exhausted than I have felt for months and I am also feeling isolated, un-needed and unwanted. |Mikey is settled at school, is doing well and making new friends and finding new interests. All I do it listen while he frantically searched for reasons for him feeling f=depressed. When he does come up with something you can guarantee that there is nothing I can do to cure or solve whatever he is worrying about. He also has new people he can talk to so I am certainly no longer needed. I've also had my latest lot of blood tests done. I can't remember my access thing for my results so I can't look at them. My memory is failing even more than usual and I hate this. I'm also in constant pain and I can't do anything that is part of my usual way of living. I really just want all this to end. I have no energy, I can't sleep and even cooking something simple leaves me feeling dead on my feet. All I ...
Read more

When will all this end?

The UK appears to be in total meltdown abd I have had enough. Petrol is now been panic bought - at least it makes a change from toilet roll.  Mikey's school start was delayed until 10am this morning as Hythe Road was at a standstill = he missed PE but was playing benchball instead - but the advantage was he didn't have to get changed! By the end of today Stagecoach were not even trying to get near school - thankfully Andy got close and picked him up = the thought of Mikey finding the station and getting on the right bus is terrifying! He could have ended up anywhere!! While the general population are acting line brain dead zombies I am trying not to move too much as the infamous calcified blood clot (which doesn't cause any pain...) is absolutely killing me. I am seriously considering having a hot water bottle tonight in an attempt to ease the pain. I chickened out of my afternoon in the woods as I wasn't sure my back would hold out. I'm really not good with pain.
Read more