Lockdown 2020 and on

I really should check my e-mail far more frequently!! Dear Mr Hancock has decided I need to re-enter shielding for my own safety. My main reaction to this is that I'd be much happier to do this if everybody else was doing what they are asked to as well as me staying put!  Before I read/checked my e-mail this morning I nipped to the local Co-op. Most of the staff were masked or wearing a visor (except 1) but the same cannot be said for all customers. The manager did appear at one point to stock shelves (not that I've ever seen him do anything else!!) but as usual no none mask wearing people were challenged. While people take such a fluid reaction to what we are asked to do for everyones safety   it is not foing to improve. Thanks to Michelle Taylor I now have loads of wool so my shielding is going to be spent mainly knitting squares ready to then try to create a blanket! The cats have now discovered that chasing balls of wool can be fun...so I guess I'm going to be chasing...

 Just a quick one...the news is still going on about most of the UK being moved into Tier 4 and schools not going back in January... Much as I love my son there is no way I can cope with trying to get him working at home again. Poor Andy is not able to help out as he has mastered working from home so is busy all day. I'd have a better chance if I could just have a couple of hours a day when I dont feel totally dead. It would also help if Maths etc was done in a way I understand at my great age and English used language I actually understand and hasnt been invented by Dominic Cummings and Michael Grove.  I am not qualified to teach and get him ready for his SAT'S so I can't/won't do it and mess it up. Plus I know that most of the stuff he is doing is just not needed in real life. I have never used algebra, fractions or worried about fronted adverbial so why does he have to?? Why don't we teach useful stuff at school? People would put more effort into stuff they enjoy...

I've been feeling decidedly reflective over the last few days... Finally 2020 is nearly done! Kent has now been pushed in to Tier 4 and meeting anyone is verbotten!! The Christmas relaxation where people could meet up is now off in Tier 4...there is no mixing of households which has helped cheer me up as now Mikey will not be vanishing anywhere over Christmas and then returning laden with yet more plastic tat! But is also means I can't see anyone either, and the mood Andy is currently in having just got home from work I can't guarantee he will survive Christmas... Looking back over 2020 my main memory other than feeling totally isolated is possums!!! During the first lockdown I heard about a woman in Australia posting about a possum who lived in her garage. He is named Pandy (obviously) and gets treated and spoilt! She has bought him a cat bed to sleep in and now it is getting warmer he now had a mattress covered in blue satin to make sure he doesn't over heat! I never ...

I am feeling even more dead than the end of last week...I think it is safe to say that  my antibiotics are not working and I just want to sleep for as long as I can.  Mikey has decided that his Christmas holidays have started and is refusing point blank to do any of the work set for him. I know I should insist on him doing the work, but I just don't have the energy to argue with him. But I have talked to the head of Upper School so she and the FLO are aware that I am not in a fit state to force him to do anything! My only aim right now is to stay out of Hospital for Christmas. As Ashford's infection rate is 590.8 per 100,000 people I don't want to be anywhere near a hospital! Andy is so fed up with me feeling so rough he is now calling the Drs tomorrow to try to get me a Dr to talk to rather than a practice nurse...They are far too keen on just sending me into A&E rather than trying to help me beat whatever is taking up residence in my body.  The current news about va...

 I have reached the end of my fast unravelling patience today. The rates of Covid in Kent are going through the roof and nobody living here seems bothered in the slightest. I am scared. There is a report today referring to how many Kidney patients have died in the pandemic so far and it is horrible numbers. Apparently we are at higher risk than the 80 year olds who are the first to get the vaccine. I am still determined to be around for my family for as long as I can, although home schooling this time is going even worse than the first time - which I didn't think was actually possible. Mikey is currently hiding in his room to avoid doing any school work and I am still having frequent temperature fluctuations which are not fun and are leaving me feeling even more exhausted that I normally do; and again I didn't think that was possible either! Sleep last night was broken to say the least  and I was wide awake from 4.40 am it took a really long time to get light and light enough ...

 Here we go again, is something I really hope is not true... I am back on antibiotics for yet another kidney infection, but my Nephrologist is not going to be impressed that a culture is not being grown/looked at (yet again) as I didn't get to speak to a Dr, just the practice nurse by phone. He was more concerned that I might have Covid, even though every symptom is CKD and I have a wierd taste in my mouth, not a loss of taste. In my mind they are 2 very different things!! After the lecture I got from the nurse I was sent a link to book tests for all of us, but when I went on line, the closest centre was Manston!! So I decided to try speaking to a person as I felt it may be easier as I know the centre at William Harvey is very under used! I spoke to a lovely lady called Carol who quickly established that none of my symptoms fit their criteria and so she could not book a test for any of us! Apparently GPs are using covid testing to palm off patients on a regular basis now! I have a ...

 Yet again it has been proved to me that I was not cut out to be a teacher. So far no work has been set by school so I decided that it was a good chance to start on the infamous homework trail. Unfortunately Mikey does not agree with my decision and has retired to his bedroom! We are not helped by the fact he is not meant to get close to me at all and Andy is still working from home so is busy! (Although at the moment he is sorting out my printing issues!!)  I have also have an interview with a research student today about how CKD patients have felt during the pandemic. It was actually nice that someone was aware that we have been affected due to out health - both physical and mental, I just hope I can read her paper once she has finished and handed it in! My knitting project is currently on hold as I can cast on but then seem to hit a complete block and end up destroying what I'm doing!! I'm hoping a break my reset my brain and let me carry on with my square production - alth...

 I have just had to go and pick Mikey up from School as a child within his bubble has tested positive for covid. Good old Mikey fist bumped him at school when he was in yesterday so he is at risk, bless him!! I hadn't realised how cold it is out there and as usual Mikey was one of the last kids out! But thankfully I had permission to leave the way I went in - the alternative was to walk out of the main entrance and then back to where I had left the car! But Miss Talbot said I didn't have to do that and we were back and leaving before we saw the kids who came out before Mikey coming back to the car park!  I have checked the school website and no work has been set yet - and Mikey is positive no work is expected to be done today. I also warned the Head it is  not likely that much will get done! Mikey is most excited that he doesn't have to wear his uniform again until January... The main local news is that the vaccine has arrived at William Harvey and innoculation has commen...

We are officially out of lockdown, but as Kent has been pushed into Tier 3, the highest and since lockdown has ended our figures have continued to increase. Swale now has the highest figures in the country, Medway is not far behind and currently Thanet is 4th... My main aim right now is to keep out of hospital as much as I can. I'm still classed as extremely clinically vunerable  and I think I'm no. 4 on the list of groups to get vaccinated. My only bad thought about that is why does it have to be 2 injections?? Why on earth can't they get it in one for those of us not fond of needles?  My other problem at the moment is my lack of memories...I was watching the Repair Shop earlier and a woman was talking about how the sound of a clock and the memories it brings back of her childhood. However hard I try I can't think of a single noise that makes me think of my childhood...in fact the harder I try to think the less I can actually remember at all. I hate having these huge b...

I am mostly getting angry with myself now. I am seriously struggling and I can't see or think of any way out of this. This morning has been nice, Andy and I went back to Dobbies and now have twinkly coloured lights in the front window. Although I prefer white, it is only fair to let Andy have coloured ones as he lives here too. We also got Mikey some battery operated lights to go into his room; I can only think his mothers love of bling has influenced him on a genetic basis! We also got 2 robin ornaments for the tree to represent both Grandads. I have always loved Robins and the current thinking that they are filled with the spirits of past loved ones is one I am happy to believe and continue. I know I am overly emotional at the moment, but for some reason it just feels right. For some unknown reason I am meant to be emotional at the moment and not bottle it up, I have spent too many years trying to be whatever others have wanted or expected me to be rather than being who I am. If ...

 Once more my brain has been thinking far too much. The South East has been stuck into Tier 3 so pretty much still in Lockdown, my brain has refound memories that I would much rather not remember as they all are around the bitch known as my mother in law. If I had mentioned what I have now recalled to my Dad he would have turned the car around on the way to the wedding and my history would be decidedly different. I would not be living miserably in East Kent for a start. Right now I live in a town where all relatives just want me dead or living away from my son and husband. How can a mother expect em to abandon my son to her tender loving care when I have seen what sort of mess she has made of ruining the lives of both of her sons. I also assume it is thanks to her care that I only have one child as my husband chose not to get close eo me for years, leaving me feeling isolated and unwanted by anyone as I was so isolated in a town where I knew nobody. I can honestly say that for the ...

As this current chaotic pandemic is starting to look as though it is going to last for months rather than days I've been looking for the things that make me happier! In the past I admit I have been slightly addicted to Smooth Radio as it is very 'light' music and pretty relaxing. I was also slightly fond of Encore whilst it was on DAB! Earlier this year it stopped altogether and I discovered Magic at the Musicals. Thanks to Alexa I can just ask for it and I can settle in bed and listen to a range of songs from Shows I have either loved or really want to see! I have now also discovered some new shows that are being added to my list! Unfortunately Andy doesn't really get any choice in radio stations, ut he hasn't moaned to much so far; and he should be grateful that I'm not trying to sing!! I have also enjoyed getting to spend more time with Andy; if anything else this pandemic has let me get closer to me little family than I have been for years. And as we are get...

Amazingly I am still behaving and avoiding everyone!! I have not left the house and gone anywhere for most of November. Right now I'm getting to know very grumbly kidneys but trying to avoid painkillers as the ones I have do have a pretty nasty side effect which doesn't leave me feeling at all comfortable! |Today for lunch I took to easy option and just stuck some part bake rolls in the oven. Mikey declared recently that he doesn't like these any more so Andy and I shared them. By the time I gad eaten 1 his Imperial highness appeared and changed his declaration as he was 'only joking' and my lunch disappeared very quickly....and not into me!! Unfortunately I am having a munchy day and the bag of frazzles I was allowed to eat did not fill me up 😕  I have already decided what dinner is...wonder if Andy wants it early!! Sleep is still proving problematic to say the least. I know I am exhausted and I need a few weeks worth of sleep, but once up stairs it just doesn...

 The news this week has been full of information about various vaccines. A question was asked on Facebook about who would have it. I appear to be in a very small minority as I feel we need it in order to get vaguely back to whatever normal will be in the future. One friend is concerned as they do not yet know how long any antibodies will last, that doesn't bother me too much as I guess everyone will be monitored and we can be topped up if needed! As I have not left home over the last 2 weeks I am battling cabin fever again. Today has been wet and horrible, plus I was up all night and once I went to bed I was woken by a couple of calls from school so I am now running on zero. What usually happens at this point is that I pass out and finally get some sleep. Hopefully that will happen again and I will sleep regardless of any snoring happening! Failing that I still have quite a few episodes of Call the Midwife to watch and we have only watched 1 episode of The Crown so far... Mikey has...

 My mental wellbeing has had one heck of a knock this weekend. I spent all of last week actually feeling fragile, but over the weekend it had increased in its ferocity.  I am totally exhausted and sleeping is not helping it ease in the slightest. If I'm honest I could happily fall asleep and stay that way for as long as possible. A second Coma is exceedingly appealing right now. When I am awake the pains and aches are getting progessively worse. My elbows are so painful I just want to cry. I can't phone my GP as telling them I have no energy and just ache sounds pathetic; but it is affecting my everyday life now. Moving hurts and my head is so dizzy all the time walking or moving in a straight line simply doesn't happen. I know my GP will just tell me that it is all linked to my CKD and there is nothing that can be done. Does this mean I know have years of this ahead of me and how do I get to enjoy my existance again? If I can't what is the point of carrying on? Maybe i...

 I have finally reached the end of my increasingly shrinking tether. I am still totally exhausted, Once I get to sleep I don't want to get up or wake up again. Andy is currently passed out on the other sofa, Mikey is doing something decidedly important up stairs and as usual I'm alone and trying to keep myself occupied. My other option is to go upstairs and go to sleep - but both cats are currently up there and would not be happy to have any company. This is the real disadvantage of living in this area, all my family etc are in Maidstone/Medway and as I am considered Clinically Vunerable I can't go anywhere. so I assume I will now continue to be feeling alone and unwanted. I don't even have enough energy to drive anywhere. Plus my left shoulder is still really painful along with both Kidneys complaining and I just want the pain to stop, even for one day woiuld be better than anything |I have experienced this year. Chronic diseases are horrible as I look completely healt...

We have completed a week and a day now. And I can no longer say that Covid 19 has not affected my life. At the end of the 1st lockdown I was happy to say that I did not know anyone Covid had taken. I am not able to say this as I got a message on Thursday to tell me that someone I knew through Facebook died at the end of October. I knew she had been in hospital as I spoke to her while she was, but she gave no indication that anything was terminal. She was always a lovely, happy person to talk to and I will miss her...  I have also had a bright idea....I want to make a blanket ready for when I have to start dialysis and as I am unable to knit I decided to try crochet!!! I have found that I am brilliant at making the initial chain, I can sit and do that happily for hours! But if I then try to add a second row all hell breaks loose! I do appear to have invented a version of creating holes in a circle, I was trying to follow some instructions but she lost me very quickly so I've just ca...

 Nearly at the end of week 1! Tomorrow the Country will come to a halt to remember all of those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. This year we are also thinking about those who we have lost this year. I'f I'm honest it is all rather overwhelming for me. I've never known people personally affected before but 2020 has changed that for everyone. I've been over emotional for a few days (since Sunday) and even The 1 Show had me in tears this evening. It is getting more and more difficult to explain why to people and the most crazy things set me off. We are currently watching the 1st of the new Holby Episodes and I can feel the eyes getting watery just looking back at what this virus has done to us this year. I can only pray that we don't have to live through another year like this again. To be honest I don't think I can...

 I am totally fed up now, and we still have 24 days to go! My fatigue has increased and even when I sleep for 12 hours I still wake up even more tired. I can't cope with much more of this exhaustion as all I do is let Mikey and Andy down. The darkness in the UK right now is also making things far more difficult for me. I always hate this time of year and this year it is even worse. I think I need to change hemispheres every 6 months so my days don't ever get as short as they are now. The good thing is that within 45 days the nights will start getting shorter. This evening I inflicted a total chick flic on Andy, Holidate, a Netflix film. I really enjoyed it, not at all taxing and followed exactly the route you would expect. The leading man was decidedly easy on the eyes and was originally in Home and Away  I believe. Australia does turn out some rather cute leading men!  This week will, probably, mostly be spent nagging Andy into letting me put the tree up! My main reason ...

Unfortunately this week has continued being extremely tough for me. I have basically been put back into shielding - not quite the same as Lockdown 1 as they don't appear to have put quite so many of us into it. For some reason Diabetes is not considered a high risk issue, nor asthma, but CKD is actually mentioned by stage... This has meant I couldn't head into the woods on Thursday, or any Thursday during this lockdown. This has not helped my mindset as it has been proved that the smells of woodland do help people the relax in the best possible way. But the way I am aching constantly at the moment means that just coping with the walk up to the camp would be a little tough for me to deal/cope with right now. Hopefully the problems toad Mikey has been encountering has now been dealt with. If my child comes home with more bruises the explosion will be heard of the whole country and the school may well end up flattened. The bruises resulting from his showdown on the way home are no...

I got my e-mail last night from the Health Secretary putting me back into shielding. Not quite as harsh as last time, but basically I'm still stuck at home until 2 December... Our Lockdown started at 00.01 this morning,  in theory I was due in Marchwood this afternoon for a session. Andy has not been too happy about me going as to be honest I am really not feeling too well and my fatigue is just constantly worsening. (The usual treatment is just anti-depressants but I am limited with what my kidneys can cope with and most just make me eat constantly!) so I don't think he was too upset I wasn't going! I did contact Karen and also requested to self refer for January...Hopefully I may have that to look forward to! Mikey appears to have had a better day today...the girl who kicked him has been told that whatever he might have said, kicking him is not an acceptable response. The toad who was bullying him has been told to stay away and Mikey has promised to tell his teachers if h...

 6 hours and 57 minutes until we are back in lockdown...Hopefully all the morons who thought it was all over and done with will behave and stop trying to find ways around the rules; it is only for 4 weeks after all, not exactly long in the grand scheme of life! This time schools are not closing, but all activities which tire out children are! If kids are not a risk linked to  transmission of this thing why can't they dash around and play sport? I would love to hear the science behind this decision, and let Mikey and his friends debate it with them! That may reverse the decision pretty rapidly! Mikey seems to be finding school particularly tough at the moment because of 1 obnoxious boy. This wimp is using mind games on Mikey who is certainly bigger than him. Mikey was threatened during the House Captain elections about what would happen if he voted for anyone else which worried him far too much until we discussed how elections work and the fact nobody else would know who he vot...

 Yesterday I was exhausted by the time I went to bed...I was hoping to be asleep really quickly again! Wonderful plan but someone had other ideas and I was wide awake for hours. This is crazy, all I want is to pass out for a few days and wake up feeling slightly normal - whatever that feels like as I really don't remember. Today started with a call from Urology at KCH...can I be there for a referral appointment tomorrow morning? I really wasn't sure so she said she would call back in 10 minutes while I sorted out child care! A quick call to Andy and he said they would both come with me and invade the carpark! So I waited for my call back.... an hour later it came and I have to go to the Urology Suite next to Clarke ward with a list of my meds and yet another urine test....but I can produce that once I get there! While I was waiting for my call my GP called and asked if I could go to Tunbridge Wells tomorrow for an Ultra Sound scan! My immediate response was no which threw her a...

 This has been quite a week! Last weekend I saw an emergency GP as I was still feeling so rough, and my urine was still showing an infection so I was given stronger pain killers, more antibiotics and anti sickness drugs (which do nothing at all) on Wednesday I was feeling even worse so called 111 who sent an ambulance due to the possibility of sepsis! The ambulance did all the sepsis checks and decided I was fine, but phoned my GP to ensure they were going to check up on me...on Dr called me that night having agreed with the paramedic he was going to call on Friday! He agreed during that call that he would call again on Friday; but on Thursday morning the Dr I had spoken too before called me and said I needed to go straight to A&E! Andy was about to go into work so he changed all his plans and got cover for what he was going to do! I was dropped off at A&E, but nobody was allowed to stay with me once I had passed the covid checks...so I got to wave goodbye through the windo...

 Today I have really had enough. I'm still feeling awful, the pain is increasing and the antibiotics really do not seem to be working. Add in that Mikey is still being bullied at school and I really wish he hadn't listened to me and had fought back; but for once he listened and hasn't flattened the little toe rag but I also don't think he managed to win the house captain vote. But I am worried he will take that out on Mikey. They are also working on 1000 hours of Kindness at school (well, Toby obviously isn't) and are meant to be completing a passport to hand in after the break. Mikey has not been given one and even though he has told his teacher several times still has not got one. I know it is not important in the big scheme of things but he feels that he is not being included as a member of the class, and no child wants to feel excluded... I'm also concerned about the amount of homework that has been sent home. With everything they are not going to get much o...

 Today has been a really strong Deja Vu sort of Day. This time last year I was given a 3 day course of Antibiotics to kill off a UTI which had started off. The 3 days achieved exactly nothing and the emergency GP gave me another 3 days in November. By mid December I was feeling extremely yucky and went in and saw the practice nurse who sent me straight into Hospital. My UTI was actually e-coli and I needed fluids and IV antibiotics, after a few days of pretty much constant IVs most of my veins had blown and I was going out of my brain with boredom! I also discovered that there were loads of staff in over Christmas, but unfortunately none of them could cook! I also had my dramatic time when I spread loads of blood over the floor and my bed in the early hours of Christmas Morning 😡. My biggest woe was missing seeing Mikey opening his presents; I am going to do my best to be around to see that this year - but if my 7 day course doesn't work or my pain increases I have to head into A...

 I appear to have turned everything upside down at the moment. Poor Andy is unable to use his cpap machine as it keeps beeping all night, so hasn't really worn it this year. He has also mastered snoring loudly with his mouth shut! Just after midnight I gave up as I really couldn't take anymore so relocated to the sofa/ Misty joined me for a while but then got bored with sleep so buggered off...at that point Rory took her place next to me and started snoring as well. I did debate moving out to the car, but decided that as 4c it was far too cold - plus knowing me I'd set the alarm off and wake everyone else up! I finished off my latest Netflix series, got angry as they are not making a 2nd series and it really didn't answer anything 😢 So I moved onto re-watching Call the Midwife from the beginning again!  I kept spotting actors I knew who I had totally forgotten were in it! By 6am I was cold so went back to bed...Andy woke me up at 3pm to make sure I was still alive! App...

 Just seen the Tory Political Broadcast and I'm thinking about who I am meant to have missed having contact with this year. I did really miss my Mum during Lockdown, but I got to talk to her as much as I could and I have seen her since things relaxed. As my family by marriage are still praying for my death and not speaking to me, I haven't missed those members of my alleged family at all. The problems last year were caused/created by my in-laws, but it is still all my fault. Well to really piss them off Lockdown has meant Andy and I are closer together than we have been for years. I am also determined to be around for as long as I can for both Andy and Mikey...they are MY FAMILY, and not anyone elses.

 Today did not start well as I could not get to sleep last night. When I did managed to fall asleep the poxy cat jumped on me and woke me up. Nobody cared even though I did wake Andy up to tell him... Mikey has come home from school apparently quite happy! We have had a look at the Wye School virtual tour, he likes it (as so I!!) and we are booked in for a tour of Towers during half term. He is off to The North with Andy this week I believe so we are then in a position to make a decision with as much info as we can get in this climate of Covid 19. I'm feeling happier that we have looked as safely as possible as this decision will be possibly for the next 7 years... I have only managed to have lunch in the last hour or so (it is now nearly 5pm!!) and British Gas have been to service the old boiler! Plus I managed to remember what the question was that Andy wanted to ask, and I've remembered the answer!! Wow, I am on a roll today!! One think I do remember from last night when I d...

 I had lots I wanted to get done today; Andy has gone to work and suggested I had a long sleep before I got started! But the phone rang at 8.45 - school talling me that I needed to pick Mikey up as he has a cough! I agreed that he does but also pointed out that he caught the cold at school last week as many of his class also have it as  well. I then got called back to be told the Head has said he must go home, I said I would go and get him by car as I've been rather wobbly for the last few days, to be told I'm not allowed on site until 9.25! So I collected him as instructed and he then told me that he had been kept outside for most of the time since the school called me. Luckily we had already left as I was furious, the poor boy has a streaming cold so they left him outside...I'm still working on the logic used there to be honest. Since getting home he has hardly coughed, but he is only too aware that if he coughs at school they will send him home again...But he has also co...

Sorry for the lack of content, but I seem to have moved to the totally knackered part of this F@~*ing disease now. This means I am pretty much totally exhausted from opening my eyes in the morning until I try to close them again at night - and that is usually the point my brain goes 'Oh! It's insomnia time!!' and off I go into the early hours when I hopefully pass out!  Not much has actually been happening around here, Mikey is safely back at school and is trying to get his head around the idea that he is going to have to work this year! He is also back to his usual thoughts about homework...so the slamming of my head against various walls had commenced again! At least lockdown did give me a few months off after Mikey and I had agreed a truce!! Andy is still working from home as his office has been claimed for some sort of project. He had agreed to go back 1 day a week, but I think Boris heard and has decided to put a stop to that! So it is watch this space to see what is d...

I was very good today and headed to my GP to get stabbed. I had originally intended to go on to the Hospital to have some blood tests done. While I was in with the nurse I double checked that the tests would be OK after the Pneumococcal Vaccine, she told me that they are no longer operating the ticket system and I would now have to Book an appointment with them. So I drove home and the tests are now being done at 1pm on Wednesday! The only good point was she didn't think I was her patient as I didn't look old enough!! I did assure her that I felt more than old enough! Since getting home I now have a headache from hell and a sore throat plus feeling even more sick than usual. When I stand up I actually feel lopsided and everything is whizzing around my head - if I'd had a couple of glasses of wine I wouldn't mind - but I have not had a drink since my birthday 😞  My one idea is to have an early night and let pillows hold my head up for me. I think a playlist and a good b...

Today started off fine with my session with my counsellor. She has such a calm voice and appears totally unflappable ; out next session in 2 weeks time is our last - but I should have started in the woods by then so hopefully I will cope better than I expected to at first! The next appointment was for Mikey to have a filling done. We had calmly talked through what was going to happen; how it will not hurt and it is all for the best as this is an adult tooth that he will need for a very long time. As we went in he was fine, but by the time we got into the surgery all that changed. He had a full blown melt down complete with crying and screaming. Trying to calm him down was not going to happen and the Dentist also tried, he was reassured that there would be no needles and it would not hurt...but that just led to more crying and it was real tears, not the normal fake crying he is so good at. It has been decided that the fillings will be done under sedation and all he had done was more x r...

 Woke up feeling decidedly rough this morning, just about made it to the bathroom and I'm now avoiding eating and I'm living on Ginger Ale trying to settle my stomach. Poor Mikey has asked to go out and get some sweets, but I'm so dizzy and feel so sick I just can't face going anywhere (plus I'm still waiting for my new bank card!) Mikey is currently getting as much x box time as he can because they will be separated from tomorrow...I'm still worried there will be tears in the morning when it really hits him that it will not be at school with him!! To be honest I just want to relax for the first time since March...

 Today is the end of August and we are getting Mikey ready to finally go back to school on Wednesday. As a sort of final outing we headed to Dover Castle on Saturday. For once we were prepared and had  booked in advance (as required)  Once we had arrived (with me driving!!) we had a small queue while they checked everyone had booked and turned around everyone who hadn't! Then we got to part in the castle (but not as close as the disabled parking - I still had to get up a largish hill!!) Then it was masks on and into the castle.  I was amazed/annoyed at the sheer number of people who either have decided they don't have to wear a mask or are unable to wear it correctly. The number of people of the BAME who were not wearing one or had their noses or nose and mouth uncovered was, to be honest, quite terrifying. As someone who has done as asked and has shielded since March I felt far too vunerable and at risk while walking around, although it was nice that it wasn't crowd...

 I originally wrote this last night before dissolving into tears which Andy then had to calm down so I could not fall asleep... For those who don't know, the title refers to my bitch of a mother in law. She is the reason I left Andy last year and I am fed up with her now using my son to express her displeasure as she is unable to be an adult and speak to me. To be honest I think and feel she jsut wants me to die so she can try to sink her claws back into Andy (I've only spent 19 years trying to detach him) and Mikey. She already has her younger som living back at home - and teh stupid fool is now under her and his step mothers thumbs and appears to be unable to think or act for himself. There is no way he is going to settle with anyone, (male or female) when they are going to meet her...any sensible person will run a mile in self preservation after the first 5 minutes - or sooner. The fact a 50 year old man is living with his mother and her boyfriend will make finding a new par...

 Today was tough for me, we went to look at a potential school for Mikey to move on to next year! It doesn't feel that long since we were looking at choosing a Primary School for him, how on earth can it be time to pick the location for the rest of his education up to 18? Today was Lenham school, technically a Maidstone school; which does appeal to Mum as she was a Maidstone pupil in the dim and distant past! Mikey was initially not impressed with how long it took to get there! He is used to his school just being across the road, but as I have jsut discussed with Andy, he is growing up fast and I'm sure he will adjust quickly! I guess we will need to get him a phone next summer as well...or at least one that can be used!! The weather was not exactly school tour friendly! But hopefully we didn't resemble drowned rats too closely! I have found I have automatic windscreen wipers - NB don't press the stalk down as that turns it on and off rather than just doing a quick swip...

This has been a decidedly tough weekend... I was still totally shattered from Thursday and the weather was still a mix of far to hot and equally humid. I have also been fighting my personal black dog with some disappointing results.  I know my family would just tell me to snap out of it and tell myself I am not depressed....if only it was as simple as that. To be honest I am terrified about sorting Mikey's next school out. The sheer size of the schools in Ashford scares me, plus the behaviour I have seen from many year 7 and 8's also make me far too worried about Mikey's future. In my mind he either gets chewed up and spat out or dragged into being a bully as he is pretty much taller than most of his age, although his lockdown stroppy Mum has managed to reduce his weight! Personally I have really got fed up with this disease, I am so tired it is horrible; but sleeping is still a challenge - especially during our mini heatwave!! I also now appear to have developed a constant...